


Finding You, in Pieces of Me

by LunaStories



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Universe, DeanCasMB2018, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, This is a story about healing, Trueform Castiel, and Cas, dcmb2018, dean learns to love himself, post Sam's fall into the pit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 04:12:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15573504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaStories/pseuds/LunaStories
Summary: Dean is jaded after the loss of his brother and left with little to no hope in humanity. Castiel decides to show the world and humanity from his perspective so that Dean can regain the spark that he’s lost. They visit seven locations that have significance to Castiel. From the Cave of Crystals inhabited by an ancient eel spirit, to the Atacama Desert haunted by a heartbroken woman, Dean goes through a journey of self discovery. Slowly, Dean falls for Castiel and the world the angel sees.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This was a self indulgent story I made because I wanted to utilize Castiel's vast knowledge. Castiel has lived for thousands of years, and I wanted to see the world through his eyes, and to see the history he knows. 
> 
> The seven locations presented in this fic are all real places. The stories connected to these places were a mix of actual history, lore, and stuff I made up. Each location was painstakingly chosen due to the theme it represents. Each place is also a different kind of love whether it be love of the land, love for your family, etc. 
> 
> I would like to thank the mods of DCMB who created this wonderful event. Without them this event would not have been as fun. 
> 
> I would like to thank my beta readers [willowywings](https://willowywings.tumblr.com/), [wargurl83](https://achiveofourown.org/users/Wargurl83/pseuds/Wargurl83), and [Annie_Eliza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie_Eliza) for editing this story and making sure it was in tip top shape. 
> 
> A special thank you to [tfw_cas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tfw_cas/pseuds/tfw_cas); who pointed out to me that I had credited them as a beta under the wrong fic. Thank you so much for your amazing beta work and I greatly apologize for this. ;-; 
> 
> Many thanks to Laura, my best friend, who helped choose these locations. On that same note, I would also like to thank [jdragon122](https://jdragon122.tumblr.com/) for always staying up with me and listening to me scream as I try to finish my 12 events. xD
> 
> Last but certainly not least, I'd like to thank my amazing artist [saawek](http://saawek.tumblr.com/) who took the time to make me three (!!) art pieces despite their busy schedule. It was a lot of fun working with them and the art style really fit the mood of the story. The art is absolutely gorgeous and you can see it [here](http://saawek.tumblr.com/post/176664112006/here-my-art-masterpost-for-the-wonderful-fic)! It was a dream come true to collab with saawek and I hope you guys will enjoy this story <3

  


Dean didn’t remember how he made it back to his hotel room.

He remembered Sam, he remembered the pain in his throat as he screamed for his brother, for Castiel, and for all they’d lost.

He must have dreamed most of it because he distinctly remembered Castiel coming back at the end of it all to heal him. He’d seen the angel die, just as he’d seen his brother jump into the pit with Lucifer.

He shuddered, his heart constricting at the thought of his brother. He felt so lost.

Even as he scrubbed himself clean, skin rubbed raw from the force he was exerting, he couldn’t feel a damn thing. He was numb. He knew that if Sam were here he’d tell Dean he was in shock. He would usher him out of the bathroom with his hands firmly on Dean’s shoulders, then proceed to bundle him up in bed and ply him with food and water.

But Sam wasn’t here anymore.

A pained whine broke out of him, a hand coming up to cover his mouth, trying to ignore the way his tears mixed with the hot shower. Eventually the water became cold enough that he realized his shuddering was from physical discomfort.

Stepping out of the shower stiffly, he dried himself off, pulling on a pair of boxers and nothing else as he stepped into the room. If he wasn’t so physically and emotionally exhausted, he probably would have jumped at the angel that was in his room.

Awkward as ever, the angel stood silently in the middle of the room, a furrow to his brow. Dean was too tired to decipher why the sight of Castiel’s normally stoic face, now creased in concern, should alarm him. He didn’t bother addressing the man, opting simply to collapse into the nearest bed and close his eyes forever. He rested his head on the pillow and grabbed it with both arms, hugging it close as was his habit.

Despite being blatantly ignored, he felt the bed dip as the angel sat down on it, disregarding his personal space as usual.

“Dean-” The angel started after a moment of heavy silence, the darkness cloying and suffocating.

“Don’t, Cas.” Dean warned, his voice hoarse and quiet enough that he wasn’t sure the angel heard him.

There were no more words from him after that though, so he assumed the angel had gotten the message loud and clear. He didn’t need comfort. He didn’t need empty reassurances. He just wanted to sleep and never wake up. He wanted this nightmare to be over.

But try as he might, he couldn’t sleep. He didn’t want to face tomorrow, waking to expect his brother to startle him up with a pillow to the face, but instead getting nothing but silence and the knowledge that he’d lost the last of his family.

God, he was such a fuck up. He hated himself so acutely in that moment. If only he’d been stronger, if only he’d let Michael take him, then maybe at the very least his brother wouldn’t be alone, at the mercy of two cruel and heartless angels. He’d be suffering with him.

He didn’t know how long he lay there, but eventually he remembered that Castiel was still sitting on the bed. Annoyance flared up inside him, muted by his grief, but still more fierce than anything else he felt today. Or was it tonight? He didn’t know anymore and he didn’t have the energy to care.

“What do you want Cas?” Usually he would growl out these words, baring his teeth at the angel in a clear challenge, but tonight he couldn’t bring himself to say it in anything more than an exhausted whisper.

The angel didn’t answer and Dean didn’t expect him to.

Almost as if acknowledging the angel’s presence had broken something inside of him, Dean spoke.

“You know... This might be really damn selfish of me, but-” Dean paused, struggling as he tried to put his thoughts into words. The pain and the hopeless anger swirled inside of him, an overwhelming miasma he couldn’t suppress. He hunched over a bit more, curling around his pillow. He didn’t bother censoring his words. “I would rather have let the world burn, apocalypse be damned, than lose my brother like this.”

He waited for judgement from the angel, for a reaction, but he received nothing. It seemed Castiel was determined to hear him out. This was okay, Dean reasoned, this was what he wanted. At least this way, maybe the angel would stop caring about him so much. It had already gotten Castiel killed once, he couldn’t lose both his brother and the man he’d tentatively started thinking of as his best friend.

Fine. If Castiel wouldn’t leave he’d show him everything, all the ugly parts of himself he kept hidden.

“When I was in hell, I saw the worst of humanity.” Dean started, his voice hard, a low anger simmering. “And you know, the worst thing is that even when I came back, both hell and my life on earth, the people I interacted with, they were similar. Humanity might hide their demons better, but they’re no different from the demons in hell.”

He clenched his fists tightly into the fabric of the pillow, his body tense.

“Humans.” Dean scoffed, his laugh humorless and dark. “They’re not worth this. They’re not worth the sacrifice I had to make, that Sammy had to make. Sam always saw the best in people, but it didn’t take me long before I had a blade in my hand, cutting into whichever unfortunate soul they put in front of me.”

Dean’s breath hitched, his eyes prickling at the self loathing he could feel welling up.

“I _enjoyed_ it, Cas. I loved hurting those people, and I was damn good at it. If anyone should have gone into the pit, it should have been me. I don’t know who I am anymore, but what I see in myself isn’t pretty. I don’t know if I believe in the goodness of humanity when I’ve seen and experienced the worst of it.”

The confession hurt, his emotions choking him and this time he didn’t hide the sob that was forced out of his clenched teeth.

Dean was pulled out of his grief by a hand on his shoulder, a touch he registered too late. There was a slight burn to it and he attributed it to the fact that he was wearing nothing and Castiel was warm. He was lying on his right side and he knew, without looking, that Castiel’s hand fit perfectly with the handprint burned into his left shoulder. It calmed him, made him still, his breathing shallow and stilted.

“Dean, do you trust me?” Castiel’s voice was soft, the cadence familiar and comforting to Dean. He could feel his heartbeat slowing down, the angel grounding him.

Dean sighed wearily, sinking into the bed and focusing on the press of Castiel’s hand against his bare skin.

“You died for me, Cas.” Dean replied, biting his lip as he opened his eyes and threw a glance at Castiel.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Dean rolled his eyes, sitting up now, giving up any pretense of sleep. His movements caused Castiel to release his hold, and he ignored the part of him that was disappointed at the loss of Castiel’s touch.

“Yeah, of course I do.” Dean finally answered gruffly, staring at the angel who watched him with steady eyes.

“Good.” Castiel nodded decisively, standing up and moving to the other bed, sitting on it and facing Dean. “Then we head out tomorrow. There are some places I want to show you.”

Baffled, Dean could only blink at the angel. He frowned, wondering if he had a concussion and just wasn’t following the conversation.

“Uh… Where are we going?” Dean asked before correcting himself, irritation clawing at him once his brain registered Castiel’s words. “And when did I agree to go on a trip with you?”

“You said you trusted me.” Castiel implored, his hands neatly clasped in his lap and the squint of his eyes adorable.

“Yeah, but-” Dean stopped, wondering why he was even trying to argue. What did he care? He had nothing left anyways. It was either follow the weird angel’s whims or drink himself to an early death. Dean shrugged, relenting but still curious. He didn’t particularly care where they went, he just wasn’t sure why Castiel suddenly insisted they go on a road trip. “Fine, I’ll go with you. Just tell me why we’re going.”

Castiel was silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts before he spoke carefully.

“Give me seven days, Dean. Seven days to show you humanity as I see it. Then, you’ll see that it was all worth it.”

Dean stared blankly, his eyes distant and a frown forming at Castiel’s bold claim.  
He let out a disbelieving, harsh laugh, running a tired hand down his face.

“I’d like to see you try, but I doubt this’ll change anything. What, you thought we’d hold hands and go on a spiritual journey together and suddenly I’d be healed? That suddenly, I’d see humanity was worth saving after all? It’s not that easy Cas.” Dean almost pitied Castiel’s naivety. The angel always did carry a more positive outlook and a bizarre love for humanity which Dean could not understand; not anymore.

Castiel shook his head, mouth pressed into a thin line, determined.

“I’m not asking for much. Just seven days. You don’t have to change anything. I just want to show you, that’s all.”

Dean mulled it over for a moment more, his hesitance mostly an act. He’d already given in the second Castiel had asked. He always did have a weak spot for the angel.

“Fine, seven days.”

It wasn’t like anything would change. Might as well indulge the angel, at least it would distract him from the memories, from the grief.

Castiel nodded again, this time noticeably relaxed. His posture less stiff.

“It’s getting late, Dean. Rest. We have a long week ahead of us.”

Dean yawned, nodding tiredly in agreement. He laid back down, pulling the comforter over him and pressing himself tightly to his pillow.

“Good night, Dean.”

“Night, Cas.”


	2. Love of the Land

**Destination: Cave of Crystals, Mexico**

  


The next day, Dean woke up disoriented. He squinted at the bright light streaming in from the window of the motel room, noting distantly that it was still early morning and usually by this time his brother would be bustling around, waking him up.

Then he remembered.

He sat up abruptly, ignoring the head rush and craning his head around, trying to spot his giant of a brother. His fists clenched white in the sheets, he closed his eyes tightly, trying to ground himself in this new reality where Sammy was no longer with him.

Too soon, he was pulled out of his thoughts by a word, one spoken carefully.

“Dean.”

Dean looked up, squinting blearily at the angel that stood at the foot of his bed, Dean’s duffel bag in one hand.

“It’s time for us to go.”

Remembering what he’d agreed to last night, Dean got up with grumbles of discontent and shuffled over to the restroom, going through his daily routine.

Once he’d finished and dressed himself in a green t-shirt and jeans, he grabbed the bag Castiel offered to him.

“Where to?”

“The Cave of Crystals.”

Dean looked up, startled both at the location and the fact that Castiel was now uncomfortably close to him. Before he could protest, Cas grasped his arm and he felt the same nauseating sensation of angel flying that he could never get used to. Last time Castiel did this he didn’t poop for a week, and he really didn’t need a repeat of that.

“Cas, what have I said about flying me to random ass-”

Dean stopped talking so abruptly he almost choked on his own spit, his eyes opening wide at the sight before him. He was standing on what seemed to be a bed of minerals, the entire cavern in front of him filled with massive white crystals that stretched from floor to ceiling. They were enormous, so big that one of them could easily crush a house. He could only stand there, gaping at the cave that he could tell was almost entirely devoid of human influence. There was something spiritual about the place, the purity and oppressive silence of it illuminated by the lights placed here and there around the cave.

He didn’t know what to say, and it wasn’t until Castiel spoke that he remembered he could even speak.

“This is the Cave of Crystals, in Mexico. Usually, humans can’t last longer than twenty minutes here due to the overwhelming heat from the magma flowing underneath, as well as the sweltering humidity. In fact, humans would die within minutes if they came in here without the proper equipment.”

As Castiel rattled off facts Dean stared at the angel horrified, pointing a finger at him accusingly.

“Then why they hell did you bring me here?! I could die!”

Castiel rolled his eyes, huffing impatiently at Dean’s ignorance.

“You have nothing to fear, Dean. The fact that you can even breathe right now is proof enough that my grace is working. You’ll be protected from all of the harsher elements of nature over the next week as long as you’re by my side. After all, most of these places are inaccessible and fatal to humans.”

Ignoring the fact that Castiel was apparently going to take him to dangerous places, he glared at the angel, focusing on the first part of what he’d said.

“You’re using your grace on me?”

How could he not have noticed? He prided himself on being good at surviving, his hunter instincts impeccable. Yet, somehow, Castiel was exerting some sort of influence over him and he’d been unaware the whole time.

Castiel shrugged, looking slightly contrite at Dean’s obvious annoyance.

“There have always been traces of my grace left in the handprint on your shoulder, and the mark left on your soul. I accessed them earlier, using them to keep your physical body safe until my protection is no longer needed.”

“Wha-” Dean started, indignant. “You can’t just pull shit like that without my permission, Cas!”

Castiel deflated a bit as he defensively hunched his shoulders, head turned down and refusing to meet Dean’s eyes as he murmured, “My apologies, Dean.”

Dean sighed at that, running a hand down his face. He knew Castiel didn’t mean to anger him, the angel was still learning boundaries and limits.

“Just... don’t use your grace on me for something new like that again without asking me first.”

“Of course, Dean.” The words were spoken with sincerity and Dean let it go in favor of focusing on the awe inspiring view in front of him. Now that Castiel mentioned it, he could feel the prickle of heat on his skin, but it was distant, as if he was feeling it through a bubble of safety. The atmosphere was humid too, although when he breathed in, all he tasted was cool air.

“So, why’d you bring me here?” Dean gestured at the crystals. In response, Castiel stepped closer to one of the massive selenites, pressing his hand against one which was marred by a horizontal mark. It looked like someone had tried to violently carve it and had given up, leaving a mark of their cruelty behind. Dean winced in sympathy, watching avidly as Castiel’s hand glowed blue for a moment. When he took his hand off the crystal, the mark was gone.

“This place was one that I visited many years ago. It was completely submerged in water before, but recent mining in nearby caves accidentally collapsed a wall and drained the water from this cavern, revealing the selenite crystals.” As Castiel talked, he walked through the massive columns, many of them growing sideways or slanted, naturally forming however they wanted. Dean followed, looking around in both excitement and trepidation. There was a reason Castiel brought him here after all, and he wasn’t sure what to expect.

Each step was careful, measured and mindful of the possibly fragile crystals. Dean was especially nervous, knowing his tendency to knock into things like a bull in a china shop. Still, despite most of his concentration focused on trying not to ruin the majestic crystals, he also tried to keep listening to Castiel.

The angel came to a stop in front of a crystal that seemed to glow in pulses, brighter than the rest. Dean regarded it wearily. From his experience, weird glowing objects never lead to anything good.

“Would you like to see it?” Castiel asked softly, his eyes distant and a far off sadness in them. He turned to Dean, a slight smile on his face.

“See what?” Dean asked in return, confused at the question. Wasn’t this what Castiel wanted to show him?

“My goal for these expeditions are to show you the world as I see it. This is just one of many past experiences I’ve had that I wish to share with you. If you allow me, I can show you what happened, as if you were there yourself. We can visit my memories.” The angel explained slowly, letting it sink in and watching Dean with calm eyes.

The hunter wasn’t against it, exactly. It certainly sounded like something he’d never have the opportunity to experience, otherwise. What the hell, it’s not like he had anything else to lose.

“Okay.” Dean finally agreed, though he raised an arm up to block Castiel’s approaching fingers quickly. Cas turned a slightly miffed look at him and Dean glared back. “But I swear to God, if this makes me constipated for a week again-”

Castiel rolled his eyes, huffing out a breath of exasperation. “It won’t. Now, close your eyes.”

Dean opened his mouth to say something else but before he could, he felt dry fingers lightly press against his forehead. His eyes fluttered shut automatically, expecting a bright flash of light, maybe some other sort of overdramatic theatrics that Castiel tended towards (even though he’d deny it).

He waited, eyes still closed, but when nothing happened he tentatively opened them.

It only took a few seconds for him to fully register that he was surrounded by water, the darkness of it terrifying. The first thing he did was gasp, expecting to choke, hands flying to his mouth and nose in panic. When nothing happened, when his panicked breaths didn’t have him inhaling water, he cautiously removed his hands. Breathing in again, he was surprised to find that it was like breathing air; that the water had no effect on him.

“Dean.”

The voice startled him out of his near-death crisis, allowing him to turn and face the angel in question, with all his anger and fear.

“What is this Cas?! Are you trying to kill me?” Even as he yelled, his voice wavered, eyes darting around, noting distantly that the crystals all seemed smaller. They also didn’t have the glow they’d had in the present day version of the cave. It was very disturbing, visually surrounded by water but still able to breathe easily in these conditions. He also realized a bit too late that the water didn’t seem to affect him and Castiel at all. In fact, he was completely dry, it was as if the outside environment had no effect on him.

For his part, Castiel did look a bit apologetic.

“These are my memories, they have no effect on us when we’re here. We are merely spectators to the events that passed.”

Dean didn’t get a chance to say anything more before he noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye and subconsciously stepped closer to Castiel, a hand reaching into his jacket for the knife he had there. When he fully registered what he was looking at, he yelped in fear, stumbling back hard enough that it almost knocked Castiel over.

There, swimming carefully a few feet in front of them and weaving between the crystals gracefully, was a gigantic eel. And by God, when Dean meant gigantic he wasn’t kidding. The bastard’s eyeball was the size of a human. The eel was silver and grey, the darkness of the cave making it hard to tell its true size. It slowly slithered past, mindlessly floating and swimming through the water.

Dean didn’t dare breathe, lest he attract the thing and get them all killed. Castiel didn’t seem to have any qualms or concerns about their safety, though. Dean felt a strong hand grasp his upper arm, gently pushing him away from Castiel.

“It’s okay Dean, remember, everything in here is a memory. We cannot change it, nor can it affect us.”

At Castiel’s reassurance, Dean breathed a little easier, relaxing enough to really gape in awe at the gigantic creature.

“What is that?” Dean whispered. Even though he knew damn well it wasn’t real, it was still terrifying as all hell.

“Her name has been lost through the times, but she is the eel spirit that protects these caves. They are her home, and her prison.” Castiel observed the eel softly, a fondness that spoke of a familiarity with the creature.

As the eel slowly swam past them, Dean could hear a low sound that echoed hauntingly through the waters. The cry was muffled, but even then Dean could tell it was full of loneliness and the pain of isolation. It reminded him of a whale’s call, the song soul-piercing and consuming.

“What happened to her?” Dean whispered finally, his hands carefully tucking his knife back into his jacket.

Castiel sighed, a very human gesture that he’d learned from the Winchesters. It made something in Dean feel warm, as if the angel was learning from them just as much as they’d learned from him.

“She sacrificed herself to protect her eggs.” Castiel walked up to one of the crystals, Dean following after him quickly. The angel placed his hand on it and suddenly, a slight, pulsing glow could be seen from within. It was a weak light, but it was enough for Dean to realize that there were hundreds, if not thousands of little eggs inside the crystal. Bizarrely enough, they didn’t look how Dean expected fish eggs to look. Instead, they merely seemed like bubbles, trapped within the crystal.

Castiel continued speaking, watching Dean’s awed expression carefully as he did.

“The eggs can only survive by incubating in these crystals with water surrounding them. When the miners broke the wall to the cavern, it released all of the ground water accumulated in the crystal cavern. It put the eggs at risk and she sacrificed what was left of her spirit to preserve and protect them, in hopes that one day they will grow.”

Dean didn’t speak for a moment, his heart clenching at the thought of humans yet again destroying something beautiful.

“This really isn’t making me appreciate humanity, you know?” Dean grumbled, crossing his arms and frowning at Castiel. “All this proves is that humans are consistently destructive and destroy things for their own gain.”

“Maybe so.” Castiel nodded in agreement, patting the ground next to him in invitation as he sat down. Dean followed, both of their backs pressed against the massive crystal and their shoulders touching warmly through layers of clothes. “But that was just a part of the story. You still don’t know why the eel wanted to protect these eggs.”

“Of course she’d protect them. They’re hers.” Dean reasoned, turning his head to shoot a ‘duh’ look Castiel’s way.

Castiel chuckled, tucking his legs up and crossing his arms, resting them on his knees.

“That’s where you would be wrong. She didn’t need these eggs. She chose to give her life because of a promise she’d made years ago. You see, she’d been here for so long that she no longer knew when exactly she began to exist, and what her purpose was. Every day, for years, centuries, she swam around these slowly growing crystals. She was lonely.”

Dean and Castiel watched as the eel slid past them, the clifflike, protruding ground they were sitting on allowing them a close look at the spirit.

“Then, a family of humans from the nearby village moved into the forest that rested above this underground cave. Even though they couldn’t hear her, even though she knew they would never meet, there was still a part of her that delighted in the way the family took care of the land. They respected the land, and in turn, she respected them.”

“So what was the promise she made?” Dean asked quietly, curious yet reluctant to interrupt this fascinating story. It made the eel less scary. Even though she was still intimidatingly large, she seemed to be a spirit with a kind heart.

“There was a drought in the forest above, one that the family couldn’t stop. They moved out soon after to a village farther away. Everything died and the land became a barren desert. The family had a little girl, a child full of joy for the land and those around her.” Castiel’s eyes were distant as he remembered the girl’s dark hair, the way she smiled at him with a flash of crooked baby teeth. “Her last wish, before she left, was that the forest would come back. That it would grow again so that she may play among the trees. The eel spirit heard her, and promised her that she would make the wish come true.”

Castiel turned, facing the crystal and pressing his hands against it, watching with glowing eyes as the crystal pulsed with a bright light. Dean had also turned to watch, fascinated by the bright display in the otherwise dark waters.

“These eggs are not normal ones. Rather, they’re a part of her essence. She’s growing them within the crystals until they’re ready to hatch. When they do, the eggs will float up and repopulate the desert above, turning it into a flourishing forest and restoring it. This is her way of repaying them.”

Dean scowled, a conflicted look in his eyes as he tracked the majestic creature swimming through the cave.

“But she didn’t owe them anything! She didn’t have to give her life just to make that little girl’s wish come true. It hardly seems fair.”

“Maybe not.” Castiel shrugged, stretching his legs out and resting his hands palms up on his lap. He stared down at his callused hands, a slight, melancholic smile on his face as he spoke. “Their time together may have been brief, but to her, those were the best days of her long life. She felt that she owed them because while they were there, she was a little less lonely.”

Dean sat there for a few quiet moments, absorbing what Castiel had told him. It was hard to believe that a creature would give up so much just for one human. It just seemed so unfair, almost stupid. Dean’s eyes suddenly widened, a dawning sense of awe rising in him. He glanced over at Castiel, stunned with the realization that that was exactly what Castiel had done for him, for them.

Castiel turned to meet his gaze with a quizzical head tilt and Dean quickly looked down again, clearing his throat and asking the question that had been itching at him.

“So did the little girl ever see the forest again?” Dean wanted to ask if her sacrifice was worth it, if Castiel’s sacrifice had been worth it. But he didn’t say anything more for fear of breaking their tentative peace.

Castiel tilted his head back, breathing out slowly as he closed his eyes, remembering the surprise he’d felt many years ago when he encountered the eel spirit.

The family that had taken him in, while he was doing a mission on Earth, was a kind one. It was only right that when they passed, he should bury them in the place they’d talked about the most, often with loving, fond expressions.

He remembered the little girl the most, and she was the last person he had buried. The drought had spread far, affecting even the village they’d moved to and had killed practically everyone.

He stood up, dirt on his clothes, and his usually calm expression twisted into a semblance of grief.

They had been kind. 

_ ‘Hello!’ _

The voice had startled him out of his muddled thoughts, his angel blade dropping out of his sleeve and his body automatically moving into a tense offensive position. He looked around with squinted eyes, wary. Since there was quite literally no vegetation left, and it was a rather flat desert terrain, he was able to do a quick sweep with his eyes. It was enough to tell him that nobody was nearby. 

“Who’s there?” He asked warily, refusing to relax until he’d determined who and what the voice was. 

_ ‘Oh! Interesting, you’re the first person I’ve met that could hear my voice. Oh no, this has never happened to me before, what do I even do? I already said hi, what’s the next human pleasantry you’re supposed to say…?’ _

“I’m not a person. What are you and why can’t I see you?” Castiel demanded answers, his tone rough and hostile as he ignored the rambling.

_ ‘I live in the caves under the earth where you’re standing. I don’t know what I am, but I swim around a lot and I’m very long. I think humans call me an... eel? If you’re not a person, what are you?’ _

The voice seemed to be slightly contrite, sensing that it wasn’t welcome to Castiel. Its voice was meek towards the end, asking the question even as it seemed to hesitate. 

Castiel relaxed, sighing deeply as he put away his angel blade. It was obvious to him that this entity was not malicious. It was merely curious. 

_ “ _ I am an angel of the lord.” Castiel replied, deciding to humor the voice. 

_ ‘An angel?’  _ The voice yelped out, excitement evident in its tone. _ ‘I often heard the family who lived here speak reverently about you! You live in the sky, but I live in the ground. It is so nice to meet you.’ _

At the eel’s words, Castiel perked up.

“The family that lived here?” He questioned tentatively, wondering if it was the same family he’d just buried. To his knowledge, this was the only family that had lived in the forest here, before the drought killed everything. 

_ ‘Yes! They unfortunately had to move away, but I always wanted to repay them for their kindness. Without their presence, my time here would have been much lonelier. I’m stuck here, so I can’t speak to them myself, but if it’s not too much trouble could you tell me how they’re doing? They moved to a village nearby.’ _

Castiel stayed silent, his fists clenched and eyes closed as he tried to figure out how to tell the eel that the family they seemed to love was dead and buried in the ground above them. Eventually, he loosened his fists, taking a deep breath as he did. 

“I actually just came from that village.” Castiel started, though he was quickly interrupted by the eel’s enthusiastic voice. 

_ ‘What a coincidence! The little girl that used to live here wanted to see the land full of trees again. I intend to make that wish a reality, to show them my gratitude. Then, they can move back to the forest and keep me company.’ _

The eel’s voice was hopeful and Castiel-

He couldn’t do it. 

“Yes. They’re doing well and… they miss this land.” 

It was a lie but it was kinder than the alternative. 

_ ‘That’s good! I hope that they’ll be able to see the land flourish again.’ _

“Of course”, Castiel smiled sadly, his grace briefly reaching out to touch the souls of those he’d buried. It was time to go. 

His eyes widened as he was met with resistance, the hold he had on their spirits slipping. It seemed that the spirits were stubbornly refusing to move on until they had seen what the eel wanted to show them. The little girl, in particular, was sitting cross legged on the ground glaring up at him, as if daring him to move them.

Castiel smiled, this time more genuine. He would allow this infraction, they would move on eventually, and there was no harm letting the spirits stay for a while longer. 

“I think… one day they’ll see the forest that you’ve grown, and love it just as much as they’ve loved this land.” 

_ ‘I hope so.’  _

Castiel turned his face towards the sun, feeling the drying heat of it as he straightened up. 

“It is time for me to go.” Castiel’s mission had ended days ago and he only stayed to properly bury the family. There was nothing left for him on Earth. 

_ ‘Oh… well if you want, you could come visit sometime?’ _

Castiel paused, thoughtful as he surveyed the spirits of the family he’d be leaving behind. Angels weren’t supposed to form connections on Earth… but he did have to monitor the family, and make sure they didn’t turn into malicious spirits. That was his excuse, anyway.

“I will. I wish you luck in your endeavors.” Castiel stretched his wings, smiling when the spirits’ eyes widened in awe. They were only able to see it because they were no longer human. They lowered their heads, a nod of respect to the angel as he left.

Then, between one flap of his powerful wings and the next, he was gone.

There was a cough next to him and Castiel jolted out of his musings, his shoulder knocking harshly against the crystal behind them.

Realizing Dean was still waiting for an answer, he cleared his throat, and spoke.

“She didn’t.”

At Dean’s crestfallen expression, Castiel continued his words, an unbidden smile touching his lips at how invested Dean seemed to be in the history of this place.

“But she will in the future. Her spirit currently rests in the grounds above this cave. When the forest is resurrected, she will see it.”

“I-” Dean cleared his throat, looking away, a slight uptick to his mouth that was hopeful and a little teary eyed at the same time. “That’s good.”

“So… love of the land, huh?” Dean whispered quietly, tilting his head back and focusing on the darkness around them. It was almost tranquil; this overwhelming pressure and silence seemed to put them in a secluded bubble. “I’m not sure if that family deserved this level of devotion, but…”

Dean didn’t finish his sentence and Castiel didn’t force him. The angel knew that this place had lightened a small portion of Dean’s ire against humanity. And for now, that would have to be enough.

Castiel stood up, stretching a hand out to Dean and helping the human up.

“It’s time to go. We’ll rest at a hotel for now and move on to the next place after you’ve rested.”

“Oh…” Dean looked at the eel again, frowning a little as if he was disappointed to leave. While he’d been here, it was almost as if he hadn’t had to think or worry. That he hadn’t had to remember the outside world. It had been nice, being able to just breathe for a moment. “Okay, but we’re having Mexican tonight for all the shit you’ve put me through today.”

Castiel rolled his eyes but there was a fond smile on his face, one that Dean was captivated by.

“Of course, whatever you need Dean.”

With that, he placed a firm hand on Dean’s shoulder and they flew. The memory faded, and with it, the hot touch of water.

Once they’d eaten and checked into a hotel, Dean cleaned himself up quickly, and went to bed soon after. He laid there, eyes open and pensive. That… hadn’t been a bad experience. It wasn’t like he suddenly started believing in humans again but… at the very least, he felt with a small seed of hope that maybe this week wouldn’t be as horrible as he’d thought it would be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting facts:  
> -Called the Cave of Crystals but is actually an expansive 3 co-joined caves  
> \- 3-4 miles beneath the cave of crystals lies a pool of magma (Temperature: 150 F while 2 smaller caverns are around 100F)  
> \- Conditions are close to 100% relative humidity  
> -Crystals formed because of a flood of groundwater seeping in and the minerals in the water plus the heat allowed the crystals to grow slowly and steadily.   
> \- Humans can not spend more than a mere few minutes inside the cave.   
> \- A protective iron door was erected to try and prevent people  
> \- Only scientists and employees can enter these caverns  
> \- Max time in there can be 20 minutes  
> \- 1,000 feet below the surface  
> \- Almost no air, must wear protective suits packed with ice.  
> \- Formed over the last 600,000 years  
> \- The caves were only discovered because miners lowered the water level which gave the crystals life. Now that the cavern is dry, scientists warn that the decaying process has started.  
> \- Research suggests there was a massive forest that covered the desert above the cave years ago  
> -The mining company will soon stop pumping water out so that it can be submerged again.  
> \- Selenite crystals are both translucent and soft and can be scratched even with fingernails.  
> -There are tiny bubbles of suspended fluid with microbes in them.  
> \- One man tried to steal crystals before bringing bags of air with him. They found him dead inside and cooked.


	3. Love for the Dead

**Destination: Lycian Tombs, Turkey**

  


The next day, Dean went without a fuss, closing his eyes and standing perfectly still. He gripped his bag tightly, holding his breath at the swooping sensation that Castiel’s particular brand of grace-assisted flying gave him.

When he opened his eyes, it was to the sight of a cliffside. Or rather, weird structures built into the cliffside. Dean’s eyes slowly trailed up, gaping openly at how large the mountain was, and the almost overwhelming amount of structures that were carefully placed into the walls of the cliff.

They all seemed to be carved directly into the rock, the brown discoloration and the noticeable water marks hinting at the age of the place. Dean had dabbled enough in building things himself that he knew creating rooms out of what seemed to be solid rock took not only a shit ton of time, but a huge amount of dedication. Especially since these all seemed to be ancient.

Finally, Castiel broke the silence.

“These are the Lycian tombs of Turkey. They were built in the 4th century and were used as a final resting place for their honored dead.”

“Woah.” Dean couldn’t help the awed whisper he let out, eyes squinted as he used a hand to shield them from the harsh rays of the sun. “Can we go inside?”

Castiel nodded, placing a hand on Dean and flying them into one of the tombs. The inside was rather underwhelming compared to the decor of the outside pillars and doors. It was a large room that towered above them, with smaller doors within that seemed to lead to other rooms. From here, Dean could see the sky stretched wide in front of them, the view slightly blocked by the four pillars at the entrance.

“Why is it so… empty?” Dean couldn’t help but ask, noticing with a quick glance that it was not what he’d expected. It was a large, kind of dirty room made of rock with no noticeable pottery, or even a coffin. What kind of a tomb didn’t even have a coffin?

Castiel walked over to where Dean was observing the pillars from afar, noting their intricate, almost grecian-styled design.

“All of the tombs are empty because of years of looting. There is nothing left now, except the rooms themselves.”

“I thought you were supposed to inspire hope in me, not highlight how shitty and greedy people are.” Dean commented sarcastically, crossing his arms.

Castiel huffed out an irritated breath, having already expected Dean to react negatively to this place.

“We’re here because of the history of the people who created these tombs. The structures themselves represent many things. Most noticeably, a respect for the dead.” Castiel paused, head tilting up as he traced the pillars with his eyes. “That’s what makes humans unique. They have respect for those who have passed.”

Castiel started walking to the center of the room, beckoning for Dean to follow him. Their footsteps echoed dully, the thuds loud against the stone floor.

When Castiel stopped, he turned and faced Dean, the hunter staring at him curiously.

“The people who built these believed that their dead were carried to the afterlife by magic winged creatures, so they placed their honored dead in tombs built into cliffs. These tombs also show the tenacity of humans and their willingness to go to great lengths for those they respected.”

Dean mulled over Castiel’s words for a few moments, eyes slowly taking in the emptiness of the room. “Still, their hard work was destroyed by modern humans. They looted this place despite the significance of it.”

“Yes.” Castiel agreed easily, nodding as he stepped closer to Dean. “Yet to them, it wasn’t the future they were worried about. Rather, it was the effort they put into this place that made all the hard work and dedication worth it. Wouldn’t you say that’s how humanity functions?”

“What, that we should focus on the now and worry less on the ‘what-ifs’ of the future?” Dean asked skeptically, his lips pursed in disbelief. Did the angel want him to move on? To not question what his life would be like without Sam, without his family to support him?

“Perhaps you can learn from the history of the humans before you.” Castiel wisely said, answering Dean’s question in that cryptic way of his. “Maybe seeing it yourself will help.”

Again, another step closer.

“Fine.” Dean snapped, curious but also resigned to this experience, knowing Castiel would probably look at him with baleful eyes if he tried to refuse.

Castiel didn’t smile, but he did relax a bit, turning Dean around until he was facing the pillars at the entrance. They were pretty far away, considering the angel and the hunter were standing at the center of the massive room.

Dean was just about to turn around and ask what Castiel was doing, when he felt the angel take hold of his arm, his other hand coming up to cover Dean’s eyes.

“What are you doing?” Dean asked, tense and almost growling the words out.

“I’m showing you what I see in humanity. How it was before and how it is now. The splendor of humans and what they can achieve.”

With those last words, Castiel released Dean, the hunter stumbling forward at the sudden lack of support. He opened his mouth to yell at the angel but stopped when he was assaulted by the scent, the sight, and the sound of a community around him. His eyes widened as he turned around in a slow circle, the previously dull and dusty room now transformed into a busy, ancient construction site.

Dean was awestruck, his mouth dropping open as he took in the magnificence of the room heavily decorated with pottery of all kinds, painted walls, and the towering pillars that several people seemed to be etching designs into. The warm light of the setting sun streamed in through the entrance, painting the room in shades of gold.

It was glorious, and he was in shock over how this example of human tenacity made him feel warm. He felt… proud, in a sense, that humans were able to achieve so much when they had such limited tools. He noticed that a lot of their methods involved things he’d never seen before, all creatively used to both cut into the rock and decorate the high walls.

“Humans will go to great lengths to honor those they respected.” Castiel’s voice was barely a murmur, a hint of that familiar gravelled tone, somehow legible to Dean despite the cacophony of noises in the room.

“So you… visited this place, back when they were still building the tombs.” Dean perked up when a server walked past with a basket of bread, nonchalantly yanking one out. Castiel frowned but didn’t stop him, more amused at the human’s antics than annoyed. Typical Dean.

“Yes, well, where do you think their legends of winged creatures came from?” Castiel smirked when Dean stared at him slack jawed, a certain childish awe in the glint of his eyes.

“Dude, that’s pretty cool, I’m not going to lie. So I’m guessing you guys visited their ancestors and it started this whole mess.”

Castiel inclined his head, his eyes almost proud as he surveyed the humans working.

“I wouldn’t say it was a bad thing, especially when it led to the creations of such beautiful structures.”

“Hm.” Dean hummed in agreement as he played with the bread in his hand, the texture almost real, even when he knew it was a figment of Castiel’s memory.

They stood there, watching the setting sun, the way everyone packed up and left for the night.

Soon, there was nothing left but the moonlight streaming in through the entrance, an angel, and a human.

Dean didn’t say anything when Castiel moved in close, the angel’s firm chest pressed against his back, the heat of him a sharp contrast to the chill of the mountain air.

They stood there, breathing in tandem, eyes closed as they listened to the whistling of the wind over the rocks, the smell of clay.

Castiel placed a hand over his eyes, and when he opened them again it was to the almost overwhelming light of the sun glaring into the room. It was like no time had passed at all, the room just as dusty and empty as it had been before, the sun still high in the sky. It was a different kind of peacefulness, the age and history etched into the structure, yet it was almost lonely. The people who had lovingly built this place were long gone. Maybe Dean _could_ learn something from them. From their tenacity and the respect they had for those they loved and honored. Respect for those who had passed, respect for his friends who died for him, respect for Sammy.

Their almost timeless devotion, carved into the high cliffs and preserved through the ages.

_This is humanity. This is one of many legacies._

He breathed in deeply, closing his eyes as he was hit with that same nostalgic scent of clay, the whistling of the wind still the same. When he opened his eyes, he could almost see that same magnificence in his mind’s eye, the image of gleaming pillars imprinted onto the back of his eyelids. Compared to the current, run-down pillars, it was no less beautiful; the contrast gorgeous, and merely improved with time.

“It’s getting late.”

Dean turned around, his back to the entrance as he studied the way the glow of the sun fell across Castiel’s rugged features. The angel had recently died and mysteriously come back only to go on a journey with Dean, for Dean. This was all for him and it was… difficult for him to figure out why that made him feel choked up, as if there was too much space between them yet not enough.

It was confusing, and he broke the staring they’d naturally fallen into by studying the floor, tracing the cracked rock with his eyes.

“Let’s go then.”

This time, when Castiel held onto him, Dean stepped a little closer. The angel seemed to pause in surprise for a moment before tightening his grip, the both of them almost hugging.

It felt safe, and that was just too much for Dean to process, the complex emotions behind it terrifying.

Yet he couldn’t help but hold on tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting facts:  
> -Dates back to the 4th century  
> \- Older tombs are usually nothing more than just holes in the cliffside dug into the rock  
> -Empty from years worth of looting
> 
> Legend/purpose of the tombs:
> 
> The Lycians believed their dead were carried to the afterlife by magic winged creatures and thus placed their honored dead in high places like cliffsides.


	4. Love for Family

**Destination: Las Calaveras Cave, Mexico**

  


They stood before a sinkhole in the ground, Dean’s arms crossed across his chest as he raised an eyebrow dubiously at the opening. Even though it was a nice sunny day, the forest blocked out most of the light and the hole itself seemed to be a void of darkness.

“So…you want us to go in there?” Dean glanced at Castiel, squinting at him with a frown on his face. This didn’t seem like a good idea. In fact, it seemed like something that would get them killed.

“Yes Dean.” Castiel rolled his eyes, stepping closer to the edge of the hole. Even with Castiel’s various reassurances of his safety, Dean was still being stubborn.

“Couldn’t we just stay out here?” Dean gestured widely at the rest of the completely normal forest around them. “Okay, you showed me the place. It’s awesome. Let’s go.”

He turned to walk away but was quickly stopped when Castiel hooked an unforgiving hand into the collar of his T-shirt and pulled him back. His yelp of surprise soon turned into a rather unmanly screech as he was met not with the hard ground, but with the swooping sensation of free falling.

He was going to kill the angel when this was over.

With a splash, both Dean and Castiel fell into the water, the angel’s descent much more controlled and calmer than Dean’s panicked flailing. Again, it took a moment for Dean to adjust, realizing that his physical body was unaffected and he could breathe easily in the water. Once the panic was over, he looked around curiously. There was not much he could see with his human eyes. The water seemed to go on forever, the darkness of it broken by rays of light that shone green through the filter of the forest leaves. It left the entire cave with an eerie amethyst glow, the light hypnotizing.

As he floated suspended in the water, Castiel drifted serenely over to him.

“What is this place?” Dean asked, finally gathering up the courage to speak in the water. It always weirded him out, his human brain screaming at him to escape before he drowned.

“This is the Las Calaveras Cave in Mexico. The Mayans worshipped these sinkholes as gateways to the underworld Xibalba, or Place of Fear.” Castiel’s voice was steady, but there was an underlying hint of sadness to it.

“Great, so we’re here to enjoy the view?” Dean questioned sarcastically, not enjoying this experience as much as the other two.

“No, we’re here so I can show you the bravery of the people here, and the lengths they went to, to protect their loved ones.”

Castiel started swimming lower, diving down quickly. Dean cursed under his breath as he followed, finding it vaguely disturbing that he couldn’t feel the water on him even as he swam.

Once they were near the bottom, Castiel came to a stop. Floating next to the angel, Dean was about to demand some answers when Castiel turned his hand palm up. A flare of white light came out, an orb of some sort that resembled a flickering flame resting on the palm of Castiel’s hand. Dean hastily threw up a hand to cover his eyes, the sudden light too much after being in dim waters for so long.

Through the cracks of his fingers, he watched as Castiel pushed his palm outward, letting the flicker of light drift forward until it rested on the cave floor.

At first, Dean didn’t know what he was supposed to be looking at, but when his eyes focused again he gasped at the gruesome sight that laid before him. Littering the cave floor, forgotten and ignored, were the bones of what had to be almost a hundred people. Among the obvious human bones, there was one distinctive bone structure that seemed to be some sort of winged serpent, though the head of it looked unnatural. It was some sort of monster, its remains so large it covered the entire length of the cave floor.

“What is this?” Dean muttered with a hoarse voice, horrified by the sight.

Castiel’s eyes traced over the monster’s bones, something triumphant and vindictive in them. When his eyes landed on the human bones, some of them too small to be adults, he looked away.

“I was sent to Earth on a mission. I was told to subdue the guardian of this cave, a monster that ate human flesh. It resembled a winged serpent with the head of a horse.”

“So that monster…it ate all these people.” Dean grimaced, hesitant to swim closer as he hovered steadily above the mass grave below them.

“…Yes.” Castiel replied, his voice a hoarse whisper. His hands were clenched tight, remembering the fact that he’d been too late to save all these people. “We discovered the atrocities here several years after the monster started eating people. The main reason we didn’t notice it earlier was because there wasn’t a huge uproar about it.”

Dean looked at Castiel, baffled and mouth slightly slack. “What do you mean? There was a literal monster eating people for years and no one made a fuss about it?”

“No.” Castiel shook his head, frowning. “The people here…they devised a way to subdue the monster.”

Dean glanced down at the pile of bones in disbelief as he scoffed and crossed his arms. “It doesn’t look like whatever plan they had worked very well.”

Castiel pressed his lips together, eyes distant as he thought back to the astonishment he’d felt when he’d discovered how the Mayans had survived.

“Their plan worked.” Castiel swept his hand out, gesturing at the bones. “This was their plan.”

“Their plan was to die?” Dean asked, his voice almost cracking at the volume he spoke, as his eyebrows shot up.

“Yes.” Castiel nodded, a slight sad smile lighting his lips. “Sometimes, humans commit the most selfless acts for those they love. They figured out that the monster had no violent intentions beyond keeping itself fed. It would leave them alone, as long as someone was sent into its lair to feed it once a month. They didn’t have a choice.”

Castiel sighed, remembering the way the mother had cried when she’d realized her son could have been saved, if only Castiel had come a day earlier to vanquish the beast. He could have been spared.

Castiel clenched his eyes shut tightly, letting out a breath as he forced himself to relax. He didn’t have time to feel guilty, not when he was with Dean.

“So they sacrificed their own people, just so the rest could live.” Dean commented bitterly, his arms hugging himself tightly, fingers pressed into his own skin.

“Dean, they voluntarily sacrificed themselves.” Castiel corrected gently, eyes watching Dean carefully for a reaction.

The angel watched as several emotions flickered across Dean’s face, some too quick to pinpoint. Eventually Dean seemed to settle on silence, the tension in the water palpable.

“They had loved ones they needed to protect.” Castiel turned his gaze back to the remains, a part of him still grieving those who had nobly given up their own lives. “They were willing to die, just so the rest of their family could live. So, every month, one of them would give themselves up. This is humanity, Dean. This is their ability to love, to protect.”

“But what about those they left behind? What about the people who cared about them? They just selfishly gave themselves up thinking that those who lived wouldn’t care? Wouldn’t suffer?” Dean burst out, increasingly agitated as he gestured around before finally settling down, arms falling slack and still by his sides. “I can’t accept that Cas.”

“Maybe it’s not your choice to make.” Castiel replied, firm and not cold but rather compassionate. “They died for those they loved. They died _protecting_ those they loved. You have to respect that.”

“I know…but Cas, _it hurts_.” Dean gritted out between clenched teeth, his head bowed as he pressed his palm against his mouth, eyes staring unseeing at the remains of the dead. The remains of those who voluntarily sacrificed themselves. At least the Mayans had some sort of closure with the physical evidence of the people who died.

Sam left nothing.

No body, nothing for Dean to mourn. Nothing except that aching emptiness inside of him, the hole he felt whenever he woke up expecting another day of teasing his brother, only to realize that Sam was no longer there.

“Dean.” The human looked up, knowing there would be tears streaming down his face if it wasn’t because they were already in water. Castiel was startlingly close, and Dean didn’t resist when he was pulled into a hug by strong arms.

Pressed against the angel’s chest, and drifting gently in the water, it calmed him.

Eventually, Dean realized that they were slowly swimming up to the surface, Castiel holding onto him as he pulled them up. They broke out of the water and Dean gasped, even though technically the water hadn’t affected him.

“How are we going to get out?” Dean turned to the angel and Castiel didn’t miss a beat, still holding onto Dean as with a rustle of wings, they were flown to the ground right outside the sinkhole.

Dean sat down, legs hanging over the edge of the sinkhole and entrance to the cavern. He felt raw, emotional and exposed. He didn’t know if he could face Castiel yet, even though he knew they had to leave.

The angel seemed to sense that and quietly sat next to him without complaint, the warmth exuding from the man a comforting feeling against the cold forest wind.

As Dean stared into the sinkhole, nothing but darkness, and the vague impression of rippling water reflected back. The light Castiel had placed in the water had faded out the moment they left, leaving the waters just as still and dark as it had been before. He leaned his shoulder against Castiel’s, taking comfort in the angel’s presence before speaking.

“You know, they died for the people they loved but still, they were forgotten. No one will ever know what they did for their people.” Dean’s voice was a whisper in the otherwise still forest, the setting sun and dwindling light cloaking the forest in darkness, and the muted hum of bugs.

“But we will remember.” Castiel replied firmly, staring into the forest and not meeting Dean’s eyes when the human looked at him in surprise. “They were not forgotten.”

Castiel finally looked up, staring into Dean’s suspiciously moist eyes, smiling at the awe he saw in the human’s expression.

“What do you mean?”

Castiel raised his hands up, placing them over Dean’s ears and cupping his face when the human nodded, giving permission.

The angel lifted his hand again, and Dean gasped, eyes widening as he heard a beautiful song drift through the trees. It was melodic, the cadence of it soft and sad as it created a chorus with the chirping of the birds and the rustling of the leaves. There was a tentative hope in the song, the pride and love evident in the warbling of their singing, the whisper of names on their tongues.

He didn’t understand the words, but somehow he knew this was a tribute to those who had passed. He knew without asking that the song was one that had survived the test of time, the melody of it familiar and weaved into the songs of today.

“They remembered and so will we. We will remember him.” Castiel repeated, watching Dean closely as his words sunk in. The song ended, fading into the night as whatever sound memory Castiel had shared with him stopped.

Dean ducked his head, breaking eye contact.

“Damn it, Cas.” The hunter muttered, voice choked up as he wiped at his eyes quickly.

Castiel knew Dean didn’t want him to see so he looked away, placing a comforting hand on the one Dean had resting on his thigh. The human seemed to tense for a few seconds, hesitant, before turning his hand palm up and holding on tight to the angel.

They sat there for moments longer, the quiet of the night comforting, as they grieved for the brother and friend they had lost. Eventually, the exhaustion was too much for Dean, and Castiel flew them to another hotel.

The parallels between the sacrifices the Mayans had made and the sacrifice Sam made wasn’t lost on Dean. Just like them, Sam had given himself to save their people and their world.

Curled on his side, breathing slow as he stared at the empty bed across from him, he couldn’t help but feel a spark of pride for his stubborn brother. When they were younger, Sam had decided he wanted to go to law school, despite the objections and arguments with their dad. Sam was someone who put his heart and soul into everything and stood by his decisions.

They had so many memories together, good and bad. Memories of pancake breakfasts, scraped knees, and spilled blood. Perhaps, that was why it was so hard for him to move on. He hadn’t just lost someone unrelated to him, this was his brother.

A brother he’d raised and loved. A brother he lost.

Somehow, with all that he had experienced in the past few days, the pain was dulled. Not completely gone, no; he feared it would never fade, but at least it wasn’t as soul crushing as before. He had the angel to thank for that, though a part of him didn’t like that Castiel was trying his hardest to help Dean. It made Dean feel exposed, raw and emotional, and all this time spent with the angel dug up feelings for Castiel he thought had faded.

Castiel was trying his best. And as for Dean…his heart felt a little lighter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting facts:  
> -Mayans thought of this place as sacred, called a denote  
> \- Remains of more than 125 people lie in there   
> \- Has some of the oldest human remains ground in the Americas to date  
> \- The hole to go in is in the middle of the jungle  
> \- It is essentially a flooded sinkhole  
> -Including the human bones there were several long bones from modern cattle  
> -Two chambers, the second one you can’t reach without crawling through a narrow passage this second chamber is two times the size of the first.  
> \- Mayapan, the ancient Maya city was a major political center and next to the cave  
> \- Most residents of Mayapan were buried under or near their houses so this wasn’t a normal cemetery
> 
> Legends/Lore:  
> The Mayans worshipped the cenotes as gateways to the underworld Xibalba “Place of Fear”  
> A traditional ceremony known as “meets’ lu’um” (Calming of the earth) must be performed to ask the gods for permission to enter the denote and to placate the cenote’s legendary guardian, an enormous feathered serpent with a horse’s head that the locals believe will snatch children who get too close.


	5. Love without Regret

**Destination: Atacama Desert, Chile**

  


The flowers were in bloom.

The locals observed the phenomenon from afar, both in admiration and caution.

“This year’s super bloom is massive.”

They looked over the once barren Atacama desert. The past few weeks there had been heavy rain, unusual for that region and almost unheard of. It wasn’t until the rain came to a stop, the days once again hot and sunny, that the locals noticed the massive patch of color in the middle of the desert.

It wouldn’t be long before tourists caught wind of this rare super bloom, one that happened once every five to seven years, and even then it was uncommon. For now, they enjoyed the view in piece.

Living in the Atacama desert wasn’t fun, nor was it easy. A desert strip that extended more than 994 miles along Chile’s Northwestern coast, it was so dry that in some regions, rainfall had never been recorded. In fact, in some areas decomposition did not occur due to the lack of water in the air. Dead vegetation could be up to thousands of years old.

It was a place that the locals feared, and one that attracted curious tourists in hoards. Outsiders didn’t know of the legends, they were not aware of the tragedies the Atacama desert has seen. They were blissfully oblivious.

The locals did not have that luxury, and despite the gorgeous sight of bright magenta flowers blooming in a circle around the lake in the center of the Atacama desert, no one dared to approach it.

“The Lake of Sorrow is quiet today.” One of them muttered, shielding their eyes from the piercing sunlight as they squinted, their gaze focused on the round lake.

“It is.” Another confirmed, a pensive look on their face. “Let’s hope it stays that way.”

They turned away from the beautiful blooms, heading back towards civilization. They didn’t notice the sudden appearance of two men in the center of the flowers; if they had, they would have seen the look of wonder on Dean’s face and the soft one on Castiel’s.

xxxxxx

“Dude, this place is…”

Dean trailed off, stunned by the beautiful sea of magenta flowers surrounding them. He’d seen a lot these past few trips, from tombs to caves full of crystals, yet every new place Castiel took him to left him speechless.

“This is the Atacama desert.” Castiel informed Dean, quiet as he let the human soak in the view. “They’re currently experiencing a super bloom, something rare for this area.”

“This is a desert?” Dean asked in disbelief. Though, now that he was paying attention, he realized the seemingly endless sea of flowers actually only stretched a few hundred feet before fading into dry, barren land.

 

Castiel nodded before walking over to the lake. The waters were crystal clear and still, almost like it was frozen in time.

  


“This is lake Chiu-Chiu, although many call it Lake of Sorrow.”

The hunter’s eyes swept over the lake, breathing the hot air and cloying scent of flowers in deeply.

“Lake of Sorrow…” Dean trailed off, staring at the almost perfectly circular body of water. It seemed out of place yet fitting. A paradox. Nestled in these flowers, hidden by the harsh desert, it was an oasis.

Castiel’s lips pressed into a thin line, something melancholic in his gaze.

“Yes, it earned its name because of the tragedy that occurred here.” Castiel took a deep breath, taking Dean’s hand as they slowly walked around the lake, wading through the sea of flowers. The hunter’s hand twitched, as if he wanted to pull away. In the end, he relaxed, and tightened his grip.

Castiel smiled, a fleeting one that scrunched up the corners of his eyes for a moment. He sobered a few moments after, his fingers gentle on the hunter’s.

“There was a beautiful maiden who lived in the nearby village. Her name was Inca Kolla and she was a bright young woman. The Inca emperor passed through the village and fell for her. They spent what little time they had together and he left with promises that he would come back for her. He promised to marry her.”

Dean scowled. He had a feeling he knew how this story ended. Past, present, or future, men always made meaningless promises. He was guilty of quite a few of them himself. Though he’d never been cruel enough to lead someone on like that. He was clear about where they stood, before he took anyone to bed. Lying about his intentions left a bad taste in his mouth and he found it was better for both parties when they were clear it was only a one night stand.

“She gave birth to his son and waited three years. When she heard he’d married another woman…she threw herself into the lake in despair. She took her son with her. Some claim that the lake became deep blue, like the color of her eyes. They say that even now, her sad cries could be heard during cold nights.”

Castiel stopped when there was a tug on his hand. He looked back to see that Dean was glaring at the ground, something bitter in the way his jaw was clenched tight.

“It wasn’t her fault, but taking her son with her seemed a step too far. He could have lived a happy life.”

Castiel stepped closer to Dean. He carefully cupped the human’s cheek and lifted his head, meeting Dean’s conflicted gaze. The human’s eyes were swimming with pain. He’d always been empathetic, even when he claimed otherwise. It was clear that the story had hit a chord with him.

“Maybe so,” Castiel muttered, his head tilting and his eyes dropping down to Dean’s chapped lips. “But humans are often ruled by their emotions, and make questionable choices.”

They stood there for a long suspended moment. Dean cleared his throat and hastily stepped back, a hand coming up to run at the back of his neck nervously. His cheeks were flushed. Castiel let his hand fall, his palms cold.

“The boy wouldn’t have survived long in the village,” Castiel’s voice was soft, reassuring. “The others envied his royal birth and at the same time hated him. She believed she was doing them both a favor by dying.”

Dean let out a hum, distracted as he watched the way the setting sun reflected off of the lake.

“You talk as if you knew her.”

“I didn’t know her,” Castiel paused, the wind picking up suddenly as it blew across the flowers, sweeping the petals up around them. “But I met her a few times over the years. I answered her prayers.”

Dean met his eyes with something akin to wonder, his mouth dropping open. The hunter couldn’t help the shudder he let out, the wind cold and biting. It was something that surprised him. He expected the desert to be hot, yet once evening fell, the temperatures dropped drastically.

“When she first…killed herself and her child, I was there to meet her tainted soul. She was a spirit then, driven by revenge and sorrow.”

Castiel’s eyes glazed over in thought as he breathed. The scent of flowers permeated the air heavily, and it always amazed him how the human nose was so limited in its perception of smell. Yet, maybe it was because of its limits that made everything that much more exquisite.

“Did you take care of her?” Dean asked, his voice low. Castiel knew what the hunter was really asking. He was curious if Castiel had dirtied his hands, hunted down and vanquished the spirit as the hunters tended to do.

Castiel paused, his eyes searching Dean’s as the last of the sun’s rays fell over him. It was mesmerizing, watching the shift of the light in those green eyes. He wondered distantly if the lake would have turned green, if Dean had been the one to throw himself in.

It would be beautiful, yet a part of Castiel protested fiercely at the thought. He would never allow Dean’s heart to be hurt in such a way. Not if he could help it.

“In a way I did,” Castiel’s eyes drifted over to the lake, a smile playing on his lips as the air around it shifted. “Even in her rage, she begged me to spare her son. She said that she deserved hell but that her son was innocent. She asked me to take him to heaven.”

“And did you?” Dean asked with bated breath, his senses barely registering the sudden chilly air.

“No,” Dean deflated at his words and Castiel was quick to reassure him, his lips twisting up in a smile. Dean was obviously very invested in this story and it amused him. “She was innocent as well. Her circumstances were what pushed her to this point. So I laid her soul dormant in the lake where it would purify itself over time. The people at the time used to give offerings to the lake. Their inadvertent worship of her allowed her to become a minor god of sorts.”

“I took her son to heaven, but every few years or so, we guide his soul here. They reunite for a few moments and it’s enough to keep her happy.” Castiel gestured at the flowers around them. In the dark, they seemed to almost glow. “Whenever they meet, her joy is expressed through these super blooms. She can’t control it but since it’s harmless enough we’ve allowed it to happen.”

Dean’s eyes widened and he turned to the lake, finally noticing the woman dressed in a simple brown leather dress. Her hands were crossed behind her back, her head tilted up and a content smile on her face. Her dark hair was perfectly still, even as the wind buffeted around her. She was standing on top of the lake, as if she was walking on the water.

A light flashed in the air above the lake and Dean winced, his hand flying up to cover his eyes. He blinked rapidly a few times, recovering just in time to see a small boy fall out of the sky and into her arms. She spun him around for a few moments, laughing joyously.

Around them, the flowers seemed to spread further, blooming rapidly. The wind swept through them, throwing a whirlwind of bright pink petals into the night sky.

Dean felt his heart clench. Witnessing their reunion brought up a longing for family he’d always had buried deep inside. His smile was fleeting and sad, eyes distant as he watched.

“It was time for their reunion,” Castiel shrugged with practiced nonchalance, glancing at Dean out of the corner of his eyes. “I thought you might like to see it.”

“Yes it’s…” Dean cleared his throat, blinking away the tears that rose unbidden. He remembered swinging Sammy around in his arms, throwing him up in the air. Those summer days and the way the wind had felt as he threw his head back and laughed. Finally, his posture softened, relaxing as his eyes grew misty. “It’s beautiful. I’m guessing the lesson this time is…”

Castiel moved closer to Dean, taking his hand as they both watched the mother and child run around on top of the lake. They looked happy, playing on the water. They splashed each other and the full moon reflected the droplets as they flew through the air.

“I wanted to show you the beauty of family and romantic love. Despite adversity and pain, they found a way to be happy. Humans love fiercely and deeply. Sometimes they get hurt.” Castiel paused, his voice thoughtful as he continued. “I asked her once if she regretted it, loving a man so cruel. Do you know what she said?”

Dean shook his head and Castiel tugged at their joined hands until the hunter faced him. His eyes were a deep blue and Dean couldn’t tell if Castiel’s eyes had always been that captivating, or if it was the reflections of the lake that made them brighter. There was something indecipherable in his gaze, something that made Dean want to look away.

“She told me she regretted nothing. Not one moment of pain. She loved him, even if he had hurt her. She said it was worth the risk because in the end, it meant she got to have her beautiful child. Some would say her love was a curse but she likes to think of it as a blessing. Humans are infinitely brave. They will choose the same path again, even if they know it will end in pain because the journey was worth it.”

Dean was speechless, his throat closed up from all the emotions he felt. Castiel was right and it…felt like something inside of him was freed. Maybe it was guilt, maybe it was his ever constant pain. The words resonated with him and he realized that despite all they’d been through, he couldn’t find many instances of regret. Sure, there were a lot of things he wished he could change, but ultimately his experiences had shaped who he was.

It had brought him closer to his brother, someone who had drifted away from him and chose college over family. It had allowed him to meet truly loyal and amazing people like Bobby, Ellen, and Castiel.

And maybe a part of him could believe that his journey wasn’t in vain. That everything he’d done had meaning. That maybe it was worth it in the end. Those memories he had of both the good days and the bad days made him Dean Winchester.

Castiel stepped closer, both concerned with Dean’s silence and with a certain trepidation in his gaze.

“Humans take risks, because they know the memories will be worth the struggle. It’s something I’ve often struggled to understand…but I think I’m slowly beginning to see the appeal.”

Castiel tilted his head, eyes hooded as he leaned in close. Dean was still as a statue, his eyes wide as the angel moved a hand up and cupped his cheek.

“Wouldn’t you agree, Dean?” The words were murmured, soft enough that Dean almost didn’t register them. He could barely hear, much less think as Castiel’s lips brushed over his for a moment. It was fleeting and achingly soft, just enough for Dean to pull in a shaky breath and for his teeth to lightly graze Cas’ bottom lip.

The moon shone bright around them and Dean wondered, dazedly, if the heat on his skin was because of Cas’ grace or his touch.

The moment was soon broken by a shriek of delight from the child, the two souls still playing nearby.

Dean jerked back, barely refraining from shoving Castiel away. His heart was racing. He looked down at a spot near the angel’s feet, not meeting Castiel’s eyes. Distantly, he noticed the flowers and wondered hysterically if there was something in the pollen that had caused this.

He could lie to himself all he wanted, but this tension between them had existed for longer than he was comfortable with.

“I think we should go.”

There was a long silence, long enough that Dean contemplated the pros and cons of looking up and meeting Cas’ eyes. In the end he chickened out.

There was a sigh, resigned, before he felt a careful hand on his shoulder.

“Of course, Dean. Whatever you need.”

Dean chose not to look too deep into the sadness he felt in Cas’ words. He just wanted to go to bed and process this.

Whatever this was, it left him more unsettled than before. Still, his lips felt hot and his heart full. He closed his eyes tight and took a deep breath as Cas flew them to the hotel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting facts:  
> -Super blooms referred to as desert florid (flowering desert) typically only happens every 5-7 years when heavy rain happens. Seeds in the desert perennials often lie formant for months or years. Rainwater washes the protective coating form their seeds and they begin to sprout.  
> -Atacama blooms are particularly rare the desert strip extends 994 miles along Chile’s northwestern coast. It’s so dry that in some regions, rainfall has never been recorded.  
> -Extremely barren only some cacti (eulychnia), perennials (Nolana, and mesquite (prosopis) occur. Even insects and bacteria are scarce.  
> \- Its so dry that in some area outside of fog formation, decomposition does not occur. Dead vegetation may be thousands of years old. 
> 
> Legends/Lore:  
> -The center of Atacama there is a lake in a perfect circle. The lake of Chiu-Chiu have always been the source of legends, despite the readily available water there were no settlements near there because people were afraid of it.  
> -Tupac Yupanqui the 15th century Inca emperor passed through the village of Chiu-Chiu. He spent the time there with a beautiful maiden named Inca Kolla. He promised to marry her and she waited for two years and gave birth to his son. When she heard he’d married another woman, she threw herself in the nearby lake in despair. Some claim that the lake took the color of her eyes and even today her sad cries can be heard during the night of the full moon


	6. Love for your People

**Destination: Plitvice Lakes National Park, Croatia**

  


“Welcome to Plitvice Lakes National Park! One of the largest preserved parks, we house a wide variety of foliage and animals. Our park is unique because it has over ninety waterfalls and all the major bodies of water are connected. There are sixteen lakes that tumble into each other.”

The tour guide was a rather cheerful woman. Her dark hair and darker skin was shaded by the hat she wore. With a simple safari beige outfit, she led the group down the platforms that were built right above the lakes.

“Right around this time we have our larger migrations.”

She paused, and looked at the group she led. Most of them were the usual tourist types. They carried cameras and large backpacks suitable for hiking. The weather was hot and humid so almost everyone was sweating, despite the thin clothes they wore. Towards the back of the group, her eyes took sharp notice of two men who were…different from the rest.

They were both dressed for colder weather, the handsome man in a plaid button up and leather jacket and the stoic looking man with a full suit and trench coat.

They didn’t have any items on them. No backpack or even a bottle of water.

She frowned thoughtfully at that but turned her gaze away as she continued the tour.

xxxxxx

A large swarm of various butterfly species suddenly filled the air with light fluttering sounds.

Dean’s mouth fell open in astonishment as he craned his head back. Shielding his eyes from the piercing sun rays, he looked up as a shadow fell across their group. Shimmering and dancing on the wind were swarms of butterflies. Their wings reflected the light, giving every one of them an iridescent look.

It was beautiful and Dean could feel his mouth dry up at the sight.

Finally, the butterflies flew past and the gasps of delight from the tour group faded with them. Immediately afterwards their group was rowdy, exclamations of happiness and admiration flowing in their conversations.

“That was amazing.” Dean couldn’t help but let out, a smile on his lips.

Castiel too, seemed content.

“It truly is.”

They followed the tour guide to a dock of some sort, a small bridge that extended out onto one of the larger lakes. There were several small canoes tied to the dock.

“Now, as part of your experience here we provide free boat rides for those who wish to try it out. Don’t worry, it’s completely safe.”

Dean straightened up, a swagger in his step. He moved forward with confidence, past the crowd that stood around hesitantly.

He was excited, a sort of childish glee in his eyes as he claimed one of the canoes for his own.

Castiel was more subdued, giving the tour guide an apologetic look as Dean almost toppled over the canoe in his haste to get in.

She only laughed at their antics though. Once Dean and Castiel situated themselves in one canoe, others seemed to gather up their courage and also step forward to try it.

Soon enough, she released the ropes and they started drifting towards the center of the lake.

Dean was holding both oars in his hands, paddling and splashing along. Castiel was sitting primly, though he almost toppled over several times as Dean spun the canoe in circles.

“Dean,” The angel’s voice was strained as he tightened the white-knuckled grip he had on the sides of the canoe. “Are you sure you know how to operate a canoe?”

Dean let out a nervous laugh as the next splash of the oar wet both of them. “Of course I do, Cas!”

“Well, then I suggest we stop spinning in circles and start rowing towards the rest of the group.” Castiel commented dryly as he pointed to their tour group that had rowed over to the center of the lake. Each canoe only fit two people, and everyone had paired up for this activity.

“Stop complaining. I’m the one doing all the hard work,” Dean let out a huff as his arms ached with the strain of the constant rowing.

“I would have no reason to complain if you would just row correctly.” Castiel grumbled under his breath. Dean shot him a glare, letting the angel know he’d heard that.

Finally, with a small sigh, Castiel sent a wave of his grace into the canoe, propelling them towards the center of the lake.

“See!” Dean shouted out with glee as he splashed. “Told you I’d get the hang of it.”

“Of course, Dean.” Castiel replied placatingly and with a great deal of exasperation.

They joined the group just in time for the tour guide to continue her spiel, her eyes bright as she spoke. She was standing in one of the canoes. It was probably dangerous and against safety regulations but she seemed experienced. Despite the water bobbing the canoes up and down steadily, she stayed balanced.

“The waters here have a wide range of colors because of the diverse mineral content. Each lake is a slightly different color. They range from emerald green to a deep blue to a faded grey.”

Before she could continue, someone spoke up.

“Could you tell us the legend of the Black Queen?”

Her mouth clicked shut and her brows furrowed. Almost a second later her expression cleared and a bright smile lit up her face.

“Of course!” She looked around at the group, her eyes skimming over them. “Does anyone here know the story of the Black Queen?”

Many of them shook their heads and she let out a quiet hum before starting the story.

“Many years ago, a long terrible drought befell the province and all the people who lived here. In those days, there was only one river, The Black River. It brought water to this area but one day it went dry.”

She trailed off, a sad smile on her face as she spoke.

“They suffered and many died. They prayed constantly, begging for mercy. Heeding their prayers, the Black Queen descended upon the valley from the fairy palace hidden deep within the rocky walls of Mount Velebit. She took mercy on the humans and commanded the land and skies to open up. Lightning struck down and heavy rain fell upon the previously dry land.”

There was a pause, something somber in her last words. She grinned, a cheerfulness that seemed misplaced on her face, the strain of it false.

“And that’s how the Plitvice lakes were formed! Any questions?”

There was a clamoring of voices as several people spoke, some asking for clarification and others offering their own opinions on the story.

Dean for his part was silent, something distant in his gaze.

“Is something wrong, Dean?”

The hunter blinked, brought back to reality as he met Castiel’s concerned eyes.

“No, it’s just…it should have been a happy story but there was something almost…sad in her words.” Dean finished lamely, not sure how to explain what he’d felt listening to the story.

“That’s because the story they tell here is a fanciful version of the truth.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at the angel, something calculating in his gaze.

“So you know the real story.”

“I do.” Castiel confirmed, not meeting Dean’s eyes as the tour guide started herding the people back onto the dock. “I’ll tell you later.”

Their next stop was food. They were led outside of the actual lake area and into one of the nearby towns. There, they ate and rested for a bit under the large straw umbrellas.

They’d claimed one of the shady spots for themselves, and Dean let out a satisfied grunt as he sat down on one of the two chairs. God damn he was getting too old to be constantly hiking like this.

Castiel came back with some food; a plate of various meats and vegetables, and Dean took it with a grateful thanks. A bottle of water was also handed to him and he quickly twisted it open to take a few large gulps.

Technically, Castiel had used his grace to keep them both unaffected by the temperatures here. It was the hiking around that had tired Dean out.

They ate in silence for a few moments, Dean out of hunger and Castiel out of curiosity. He soon gave the rest of his food to Dean, once he’d taken a bite and deemed it less delicious than hamburgers.

“So are you going to tell me that story now?” Dean mumbled, his mouth crammed full of food. He was barely legible but Castiel seemed to understand him just fine.

Castiel let out a thoughtful hum as he folded his hands in his lap, his eyes unfocused. They were facing the public area, where the locals walked around buying stuff from this little area they’d claimed as theirs. “I guess I should start by saying that I was friends with the Black Queen.”

“You were friends with a fairy?” Dean asked, an eyebrow raised. He swallowed his food hastily. He opened his mouth then closed it again, as if he wanted to ask something. Castiel shot him an impatient look and Dean finally spoke, a smirk on his face. “Was she hot?”

Castiel rolled his eyes, breaking eye contact and facing the crowds once more. “Don’t be crude, Dean. The Black Queen was never a fairy.”

“She wasn’t?” There was a pause as the hunter let that sink in. He had to admit he was mildly disappointed. “Then why is it a part of the legend?”

Castiel shrugged, his mouth quirking up softly in amusement. “Ask your fellow humans that question. I’m sure you’ve noticed humans tend to enjoy…exaggerating reality and embellishing it.”

Dean couldn’t help but agree with that so he didn’t bother responding, just gesturing to Castiel to continue with a flick of his fork. He speared another chunk of meat, shoving it unceremoniously into his mouth.

“Before she was known as the Black Queen, she was just a young girl who grew up in an unfortunate situation. Back then, I was sent on a mission in a nearby village. I’d met her several times when I was in my female vessel. She had information I needed, so I was ordered to befriend her.”

Castiel looked down at his hands, palms relaxed and open. Something proud and almost familiar flashed through his eyes, and the angel wore a small smile.

“She saw right through me. Soon enough we agreed to a truce of some sort and I acquired my information from her. Over the years she grew older and once the drought started, she saw her people suffering.”

His shoulders slumped, and an age old weariness seemed to bear down on him. The burdens he carried and the choices he’d made were sometimes too much for him. He was just a soldier faced with consequences he never wanted.

Dean hesitated for only a moment before placing a hand on the angel’s shoulder, squeezing for just a moment.

‘ _I’m here_.’ He was saying, with each gentle touch. ‘ _You’re not alone_.’

Castiel shot him a grateful look out of the corner of his eyes and continued, his voice rough with emotion.

“She decided that she had to do something about the situation. She knew what I was, and she wanted knowledge for knowledge. She’d helped me in my mission, so I would help her in her’s. I tried to warn her against it but she persisted-“

Castiel broke off with a short chuckle.

“She was just like you.”

It was a quiet murmur, barely loud enough for Dean to hear. He wasn’t sure if the angel had meant for him to hear it. The clamor of the other people around them seemed to increase, the noise grounding them to their current reality.

“So what did she want?” Dean asked, voice quiet. He didn’t want to push, yet he wanted to hear this story to the end.

Castiel took a deep breath, his eyes flinty and hard, something akin to regret flashing through.

“She realized the worth of a soul. She wanted instructions to summon a demon. In exchange for her soul, she single handedly brought water to her people. The lakes formed overnight and her people were saved.”

Maybe before he’d experienced all these different stories and memories, he would have been appalled. Now, he felt different. Wiser and more understanding that the world wasn’t always perfect. That sometimes, sacrifices had to be made.

“So in the end, you gave her the method to summon a demon and sell her soul. It ruined her.” Dean wasn’t trying to blame Castiel, rather he was just stating a fact.

Castiel gave him a measured look, his face seemed drawn, wrinkles more pronounced. It always unsettled Dean, whenever he remembered just how unfathomably old Castiel was and how much more he’s lived through. There was pride in the way he pressed his lips together, his eyes fierce in its conviction. “Human compassion and persistence is an incredible thing. I couldn’t deny her wish to save her people. Her love for her people gave her the courage to make that choice.”

Castiel still remembered how strong she’d been, barely on the cusp of adulthood yet already bearing the burden of the lives of thousands.

She had been determined, her grin wide as she’d spoke.

“I will reap what I sow, and it will be worth it.”

Even now, Castiel wasn’t sure if her people had been worth the price of her brilliant, beautiful soul. She had given more for her people than one lifetime. She’d given them her eternity and everything that came after it.

But she had been the one to decide her own worth, and Castiel had always admired humanity’s free will.

Her brightness was reflected in the souls of those she had saved. Even now, many generations later, her mark wasn’t unnoticed. Maybe her soul had become corrupted, through hellfire and pain, but in the end she had carried the burden of thousands of souls and decided it was worth it.

It was noble, and it was something that Castiel saw in Dean. The human wasn’t aware of his own worth, self deprecating as he was. Castiel couldn’t help but mourn that fact, always hoping that one day Dean would see just how beautiful he was.

“Do you think it was worth it? The choices she made.” Dean asked, staring down at his lap, his arms crossed and lips pressed tightly together.

Castiel stared at him for a long moment, a fondness in the way his eyes crinkled and his lips pulled up to one side.

“I think that she chose her own worth. And that despite what she will go through, she will come out the other side just as beautiful as before.”

Dean seemed to tense before abruptly relaxing, letting out a shaky laugh as he ran a hand down his face.

What Castiel said had struck a chord in him, and he knew the angel was aware Dean wasn’t just asking about the Black Queen.

“You’re not tainted because of your experiences Dean,” Castiel whispered softly, a calloused hand reaching out to take his. “It’s okay to love yourself.”

And maybe that was the issue all along. Not just his grief and his pain, but his belief that he wasn’t worth anything. He couldn’t love himself, not when he’d let his brother take the fall for him. Not when he had so much innocent blood on his hands. His friends, his family, everyone always died because of him.

Castiel stood, gently tugging Dean with him. The hunter got up on autopilot, his body shivery and just a little out of place, like he didn’t fit in his own skin.

“I believe it’s time to go.” The angel’s words were soft, fragile, as if he knew just how far Dean had spiraled in his mind.

“Yeah.” Dean let out a shaky confirmation, holding on to Castiel’s hand like a lifeline.

When they finished the rest of the tour, they left hand in hand. Their tour guide was standing at the exit of the park, giving everyone a wave as they left.

Castiel met her eyes, and she smirked for a fleeting moment, the expression breaking her carefully painted on mask of cheerfulness. She blew him a kiss and a flash of black eyes. Castiel gave her a brief nod, a smile playing on his lips as he tugged a rather distracted Dean out of the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting facts:  
> -16 lakes tumble into each other through waterfalls  
> -Various butterfly species fly above it in clouds  
> \- Has more than 90 waterfalls  
> \- The water colors have a wide range because of the mineral content. They range from emerald green to a deep blue to a faded grey


	7. Love Yourself

**Destination: Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah**

  


Dean inhaled deeply, the chill in the air burning his lungs as he breathed. With a heavy exhale, a cloud of condensation drifted out with a puff.

He closed his eyes and tipped his head back. The wind was harsh, almost knife sharp in its intensity. Here, standing in the Bonneville Salt Lakes of Utah, it almost felt like the Earth was flat.

There was nothing around for miles, the nearest natural monument was the mountains in the distance, barely visible through the fog.

The sun broke through the cloudy skies for a brief moment and Dean felt his mouth drop open in awe. The entire expanse of land around him was crystal clear, the ground crusted over with salt through the years. Recent rainfall had given the flat land a thin layer of water, just enough to reflect everything around it like a mirror. As he stood there, the sky above him and reflected below him, it almost felt like a loop.

There was no beginning or end, and he was surrounded by this overwhelmingly breathtaking display.

The angel shifted slightly next to him and it broke Dean out of the trance he’d fallen into.

“This place is my favorite.” Castiel spoke softly, his gaze distant with something like melancholy in it as he pressed his side to Dean’s.

Dean relaxed into the touch, the warmth of Castiel’s physical presence a balm to his soul.

“There’s nothing much I can say about this place, no awe inspiring story I can give you.” Castiel turned to him then, something hesitant in the way he seemed to struggle with his words. “Nothing directly related to humanity at least.”

Castiel looked down, gathering his courage. His lips were pressed into a thin line, a furrow in his brows as he forged on with determination.

“This is my story. And I would like you to hear it if you want to.”

There was something about the way Castiel held himself, as if he was expecting a rejection, that made Dean’s decision for him.

“Of course. It’s not everyday I get to hear about your angelic adventures.” Dean joked, smiling when it seemed to relax Cas.

A wan smile lit up Castiel’s expression and he started without preamble. “Our Father created us all with a purpose. Human, angel, or animal, we all had a purpose in this universe.” Castiel paused, sighing as he seemed to deflate. “I was never quite sure what my goal was. My siblings, they all seemed to just _know_. As if they were born with a predetermined set of instructions. I never had that, and the rest of the angels didn’t know what to make of me.”

“I suspected it was because I was flawed. Perhaps, I was a mistake. Maybe I wasn’t important enough and my Father had forgotten my purpose.” Castiel’s fists were clenched, and Dean couldn’t help reaching a hand out. He grabbed Castiel’s tense fist and gently eased it open, holding on to his hands.

“Cas…” Dean wanted to say something, to reassure the angel, but Castiel held a hand up to stop his words, breaking Dean’s hold on him.

“No, Dean. I have to say this before we do anything else. It’s a realization I’ve been having for a while, and it’s something that I think will benefit you as well.”

Taking a deep breath, he continued.

“I learned, through my many interactions both with humans and angels that I was fundamentally different than my peers. I felt too much, I cared too much. I realized then that perhaps my job wasn’t the same as the other angels. Instead of watching over humanity from above, distant from my Father’s creations, perhaps I was meant to walk with them and guide them.”

Castiel let out a chuckle then, a brief muted one as amusement crinkled his eyes.

“I soon learned that I was only half right. I wasn’t guiding them; no, the humans were the ones who taught me how to truly live. I learned to love them, to see the good in humanity.”

Castiel looked up, an emotion Dean was slowly starting to understand in those deep blue eyes.

“Then I was sent on the most important mission of my life, to save the Righteous Man.” The angel stepped closer, a hand coming up and resting on Dean’s chest. Dean was barely breathing, his chest rising minutely with shallow inhales. They were on the cusp of something. Some revelation that would change everything. “I met you, I touched your beautiful soul, and I finally found my purpose.”

Castiel stepped back again, seemingly shaking himself out of the intensity of the moment.

“Afterwards, I came here to…gather my thoughts. I had chanced upon this place by accident. I was just stopping for a moment to rest and try to reconcile my new reality with what I had believed all along. I always thought I was a defective angel. I tried so hard to be a good soldier to make up for it, yet I was never good enough in the eyes of my siblings.”

Castiel looked down, watching the unfamiliar expressions pass over his face, reflected in the waters. It was even more obvious to him now how _different_ he was, when he saw the play of emotions over his vessel’s face.

“It was here, reflected in these waters, that I found myself and came to understand who I was meant to be. The feeling of belonging, of purpose, gave me a sense of fulfillment I’ve wanted since the beginning of time.”

Dean felt choked up, swallowing hard at the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. It was heady, knowing just how important he was to the angel. Hell, the way Castiel described it, he seemed to see Dean as his most important person.

“Cas, I didn’t know.” It was a quiet whisper, an apology and a confession all in one. He’d always treated the angel like trash, suspicious of his intentions and even more wary of his background as an angel. Yet Castiel was telling him he’d never belonged with the angels in the first place. Nor did he feel like he belonged with the humans.

He belonged with Dean.

It was overwhelming, this tidal wave of _want_ that seemed to rear its ugly head every time Castiel showed just how much he cared for Dean.

Castiel shook his head, stepping closer as he cupped Dean’s face with one hand, something the angel seemed to like doing.

“This isn’t about me, Dean. I told you this so that you could understand, that sometimes we don’t find ourselves until we think we’ve lost everything. Until we’ve been to hell and back, bearing the scars of the experiences we’ve had. When ever I feel lost, I come here to reflect, to revel in the empty expanse of land and feel the freedom that I yearn for.”

He gently guided Dean until he was looking down at the water, his face reflecting back at him. The water rippled, a light drizzle of rain starting around them as the sky darkened momentarily. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and Dean breathed deeply, almost hypnotized by the way he blinked. His eyelashes were coated in the light droplets, and staring into his often expressive eyes, he felt exposed.

The lake was like a mirror, reflecting every jagged part of himself. He clenched his eyes shut, a part of him rebelling against this. He didn’t want to face reality, he didn’t want to see all the ugly parts of himself.

“Tell me Dean, what do you see?” The words were whispered, the angel stepping back and leaving Dean unsteady.

“I…” Dean took in a deep breath before glaring at his reflection, the hatred in them clear. “I see someone who has given up, who has nothing to show for all that they’ve lost.”

“Is that really all you see?” Castiel’s words felt painful, like the angel was hurting for him. He didn’t dare look up and meet his eyes, sure he’d see disappointment in Castiel’s expression.

Dean sighed, face falling and reflecting a weariness that seemed to burden him at all times.

“I see someone tired of the world, tired of all this bullshit it has to offer.” Dean paused, his eyes blurring. He couldn’t tell if it was from the light rain or if it was from his tears. It felt hot, the way the liquid streamed down his face and dropped onto his reflection, leaving behind a ripple. He wiped at it roughly, angry at his show of weakness. “I see someone who just lost a brother, and has lost more than what he has to give.”

He flinched slightly when he felt warm hands cup his cold face, lifting until he met Castiel’s somber gaze, a gentleness in them.

“I see someone who would sacrifice himself to save anyone, whether it be a stranger or an enemy.” Castiel spoke steadily, his voice a rumble that almost matched the sound of the approaching thunder. “I see someone who deserves so much more than what the world has given them. I see a strong individual, that despite being beaten down again and again, never really gave up.”

Castiel leaned in, pressing gentle kisses to both of Dean’s now closed eyes, his lips salty with tears. He pressed more kisses to Dean’s cheeks, following a trail of them to the human’s mouth. Dean shot a hand up and wrapped shaky fingers around Castiel’s, not pulling his hand away but rather pressing it closer against his cheek.

“You deserve everything and more, Dean Winchester. You deserve to love yourself just as much as you love humanity.”

When Castiel finally pressed his lips to Dean’s, the human let out a sharp inhale, as if he wasn’t expecting it. His lips felt cold from the rain, and Castiel gladly warmed them up with his own. They moved in tandem for long moments, pushing and pulling at each other as they gasped in between hard kisses. They were gentle, rough, and everything in between.

It was intoxicating but at long last they separated. Dean’s eyes slowly fluttered open, as if he was reluctant to open them. When he met Castiel’s amused gaze, he smiled hesitantly. He felt giddy with happiness, tentatively hopeful that perhaps this was one good thing he could have.

“Now tell me, what do you see?”

Dean frowned when he realized it was subtly brighter around them, in a way that wasn’t natural. He looked down at the water and gasped, stumbling back a few steps to look properly. Even as he moved, the light moved with him.

In the waters, what he could only describe as his soul was reflected back at him. It was bright, almost overwhelmingly so. It seemed to pulse in time with his heart, the swirl of white light constantly moving where his chest is. There were cracks that he could see, yet all the cracks were mended by a blue glow, and he knew without asking that it was Castiel’s grace. Dean raised a hand and pressed it to his chest, fascinated.

His eyes travelled up, still on the water as he finally noticed the additional appendages on Castiel. He could see two wings that seemed to shimmer and constantly change shape attached to Castiel’s back. They glowed a steady dark blue, the wings flaring out and brightening when Dean stepped closer.

He flicked his eyes to Castiel, then back to the water. There were no wings physically on Castiel, yet the waters showed him what the human eyes couldn’t comprehend.

As if sensing his eyes on him, Castiel’s reflection seemed to just…ripple for a moment before expanding in an explosion of light. Dean covered his eyes briefly, blinking hard to adjust.

When he opened them, the first thing he saw was the giant creature that spread out from Castiel’s reflection like a shadow. It stretched behind him, so big that Dean couldn’t see the end of it.

It looked amorphous, with no definite form. Most of its body was a shade of light blue that reminded him of the glow of a light bulb. It was almost iridescent and was the exact shade of grace that was used to patch up the cracks in his soul. It seemed to have four arms, and a lot of eyes. They varied in color, but all of them were a shade of beautiful blue. A halo sat above its head, glowing steadily. The wings were larger now, all six of them stretched out and languidly flapping. They were still that same dark blue, though now it looked like they’d been dipped in the stars. Lights sparkled within them, constantly shifting.

It only took him a moment to realize this was Castiel’s true form.

Dean finally let out a strangled gasp. Castiel tilted his head in confusion before looking behind him. Seeing nothing, he was about to ask Dean what was wrong, a concerned hand stretched out between them.

He froze, when he followed Dean’s gaze to his reflection in the water.

Castiel quickly shrunk back into himself, retracting his hand, and a wince of fear on his face as he bent his head down so he wouldn’t see Dean’s most likely disgusted reaction.

He grimaced, one hand grasping onto his trench coat tightly.

“I’m sorry,” The angel started quietly.

Dean watched with dismay as Castiel’s true form seemed to curl into itself, all of its eyes scrunched tightly shut. His wings wrapped around himself, as if trying to shield him from Dean’s eyes.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No!” Dean exclaimed, as he took a step forward. He hesitated when Castiel flinched back at his vehemence. “No, don’t worry I wasn’t scared. It was- You’re beautiful, Cas.”

Castiel took a chance and looked up at Dean from beneath his eyelashes. When he saw nothing but curiosity and fascination there, he relaxed slightly.

“Most people would call me a monster.” Castiel said with a quiet voice, resigned.

“But you’re not,” Dean reassured him, firm in his conviction. “I’ve never seen anything so cool.”

“Really? Even after all that I’ve shown you?” Castiel was skeptical. Surely, Dean couldn’t really mean what he’d said. After all, Dean had seen things that most humans would never have the opportunity to experience, yet here he was claiming that Castiel was the most fascinating thing he’d seen.

“Yes,” Dean smiled, for once not teasing. “That was the real you. And I…”

_I loved it. I love you._

Dean’s smile froze on his face, as his mind finally caught up with his heart.

Oh shit, he wasn’t just in awe of Castiel.

He was in _love_.

He was also very fucked.

“Uh…” Dean tried verbalizing something, anything to seem less suspicious. His awkward fumbling only seemed to make Castiel more depressed.

“It’s okay Dean you don’t have to lie-“

“I love you!” Dean slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. He had just blurted out whatever he could, he didn’t want to see Castiel in pain or insecure. He didn’t want the angel to believe that he was disgusted with him. “I mean, I love your true form or at least that’s what I think it is. Not that I don’t like the rest of your human form!”

Dean knew without looking at his reflection that he was blushing, his rambling unceasing in his attempt to cover up his mortification.

“Dean.”

He stopped talking, mouth clamping shut and grateful the angel had stopped him before he could embarrass himself further.

The angel stepped into his personal space, almost chest to chest, and Dean was reminded of their relationship back when they’d first met. Before he could blink, a bruising kiss was pressed to his lips, stealing his breath away.

“I’ve always loved you.” The words were whispered against his mouth, and Dean couldn’t help the way he clutched at Castiel’s shoulders, hugging him close as the angel mouthed down his neck. His knees felt weak, and he let out a dazed laugh as he felt like he was living a chick flick moment.

“What is it?” Castiel pulled back, just enough so that he was still loosely hugging Dean, hands on his hips.

“Nothing, I just-“ Dean stopped for a moment, staring deep into Castiel’s content eyes. “I’m happy.”

And it was astonishingly true. After all they’d been through, and the many experiences he’d had with Castiel, he was finally happy in a way he wasn’t before.

Even when Sam was still alive, he wasn’t exactly content. He was grateful to have his brother by his side, but he never felt at peace. There was nothing for him to hold on to, no solid foundation like a home or someone to love in a way that grounded him.

He realized now, that the attraction between him and Castiel had been there all along, yet it would never have amounted to anything. It was because of their journey together these past few days that Dean was forced to face his grief, his hopelessness, and his self hatred. He wasn’t _really_ angry at humanity, though that was part of it.

No, the truth was he hated himself.

He and Castiel would never have worked out because he couldn’t love Cas, not if he didn’t love himself first. He couldn’t have loved the humans he claimed he want to protect, if he couldn’t love himself first.

And God, it was hard. Even now, there was that usual guilt and self doubt. He would never be able to truly accept all of himself, because humans were too complicated for absolutes.

Yet he did love himself. For the first time in his short existence, he felt like he could deserve love. Both from himself, and from Castiel.

And maybe, that was the true purpose of his journey with Castiel. Not just to heal from his wounds, but to learn to love himself, damaged or not. He was scarred, in more than just the physical sense, and that was okay.

He could finally say that he was healing.

“I think I understand now.” Dean tucked his face into Castiel’s neck, hugging him close. “Finding yourself and all that jazz. It’s…comforting.”

Castiel seemed unsure of what to do with his hands, before finally placing them gently on Dean’s back.

It was slowly brightening, the clouds blown away by the wind and the rain petering off into nothing. The sun peeked through the clouds and reflected brightly off the water. Dean lifted his head up slightly, watching the way Castiel’s true form seemed to stretch its wings wide in joy, his many eyes crinkling happily.

“I’m glad you found what you were looking for.”

“Yeah, I am too.”  

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting Facts:  
> -1845 in an attempt to find a faster and easier route to California there was an expedition across the flats known as the Hastings Cutoff which was unfortunately not successful due to the team wagon getting stuck in the layer of mud underneath the thick salt layer.  
> \- Since then there have been many races across the flats as a special “challenging” racing expedition.


	8. Love for Humanity

**Destination: Waitomo Glowworm Cave, New Zealand**

  


They stood before a dark cave, the shadows cast by the stalagmites almost menacing. Both the stalagmite structures and the cave walls seemed to be a sandy brown color, the surface of it completely covered in green moss.

Dean shielded his eyes from the bright sun, trying to squint and see inside of the opening. He wasn’t sure if it was a trick of the light, but there seemed to be something glowing in the cave.

A loud rustling was heard as the wind blew through the grassland around them, the green of it so bright it almost looked unreal. It was almost bizarre how this cave both blended in and stood out against the greenery surrounding it.

There was a stream that flowed steadily past one side of the cave, small and murky.

The cave itself was half submerged in water, being below sea level. He could see a boat moored on the dirt near the opening. It was quiet, and Dean knew it was too early for the tours to start up yet.

“Come on, Dean,” Castiel seemed amused as he led the human to the boat, picking up the oars with weathered hands. “I’ll manage the vessel this time.”

Dean squinted suspiciously. He had a distinct feeling Castiel was making fun of him but he couldn’t decipher what it was about. He carefully stepped into the boat, balancing easily as it barely rocked from his movements.

He sat down, and Castiel rowed them inside. The angel spoke softly as he moved his powerful arms, the push and pull of them wrinkling his ever famous trench coat.

For once, Dean wasn’t impatient and testy. Thus far in their journey, he’d wanted to quickly survey the place and leave as early as possible. Now, he was content and could think of nothing better than enjoying the scenery and experiences that he probably wouldn’t have had the opportunity to try. He glanced around curiously, his eyes widening at the unique rock structures that naturally formed over hundreds of thousands of years.

Even with his current content silence, Castiel still answered his unspoken curiosity.

“We’re currently in the Waitomo glowworm caverns in New Zealand.”

Dean’s head whipped up lightning fast at that, looking around in awe as he turned around in his seat.

Castiel smiled at Dean’s enthusiasm, a light chuckle echoing in the cave around them. They were drifting slowly down the narrow stream. Still near the front of the cave, there was enough light that the cave mostly just looked like very mossy rock.

“This is a special limestone cave. It was naturally created over the years from the bones and shells of marine fossils thirty million years ago.”

“It’s…nice.” Dean replied, leaning over and trailing his fingers gently through the water. It was nice, of course it was, but Dean had expected something more…fascinating for their final location.

He wasn’t ungrateful! No, he was happy to go anywhere with Castiel. This whole week had felt like the wildest dream. His heart was light, and his concerns seemed far away when he was with the angel.

Dean’s eyes were glazed over as he stared at the water, humming an absent minded tune. Castiel rowed the boat around the corner, effectively putting them deep in the cave. Here, there was only darkness, and the turn made it so that the daylight didn’t filter in.

“We’re here.”

Dean finally looked up, and when he did, he almost choked on his own spit.

Hidden in the darkness, the ceiling was covered in glowing lights. It was like looking into Castiel’s star dipped wings, like experiencing the night sky above him as hundreds upon thousands of sapphire stars glowed a steady rhythm.

They reminded him of pictures of star clusters, of entire galaxies and the breathtaking magnificence of space. It was almost otherworldly, sitting there with his mouth gaping wide open and eyes stretched even wider in shock.

“It’s beautiful…” Dean felt his throat close up, his eyes watering as the boat slowly drifted in place, never moving far from the lights all around them. There was something familiar about the glowing lights. It spoke of warmth and grief, of pain and healing.

It looked exactly like the tendrils of Castiel’s grace that were embedded in his soul.

Dean met Castiel’s eyes with something indecipherable, and the angel knew the human had figured it out.

His smile was gentle, the expression of a survivor and the residue darkness scrunching his eyes.

“This is my grace. Well, at least a part of it.” Castiel amended, when Dean looked concerned at his confession. “Don’t worry, I’m not affected by the loss of this grace. The amount I used to illuminate this cave is minuscule compared to the vastness of my true form.”

“So why is it here? Is this like…a backup in case you lose your grace?” Dean questioned, truly confused as his hunter mind raced for an explanation.

“Not exactly,” Castiel’s smile dropped as he carefully placed the oars on the hooks placed in the sides of the boat. He clasped his hands in his lap, fingers nervously pressed together.

“There was an altercation in heaven, years ago. Lucifer was nowhere to be found, yet his existence still tainted the minds of many angels. There were those who defected from heaven, and often times, they didn’t leave without taking down a few of us with them.” Castiel’s lips thinned as he pressed them together, an age old pain on his face.

“I was betrayed by one of my dearest friends. He attacked me, led me to this place and left me to die.”

“Cas…” Dean reached out a hand, grasping the angel’s warm fingers as he slid out of his seat and kneeled in front of Castiel. The hunter brushed his fingers over the angel’s stubbled cheek, a gesture of reassurance. Castiel was tense, closed off in a way he hadn’t been this entire journey together.

All this time, he had exposed himself, made every part of him accessible to Dean in order to help the hunter heal.

His attempts at comfort seemed to work because the angel soon relaxed, his eyes softening and a grateful smile gracing his lips. The angel squeezed his hand once, before lifting it and brushing a kiss over the back of his hand.

“I was heavily injured and I knew without a doubt, that I would not survive the night. I was to die here alone, in a place I didn’t know, and by the hands of someone I thought I knew. It was…” Castiel shuddered, clinging desperately to the human that kneeled before him. When Dean couldn’t resist the urge anymore, he pulled the angel into his lap. The hunter hugged him close, a hand tangling in the angel’s messy dark locks. Castiel drew in a shaky breath, and it constantly astonished Dean how _human_ the angel could sound sometimes.

Finally, after long moments of Dean making comforting sounds, and stroking calming hands down the angel’s back, he spoke.

“It was terrifying and it was the first time I’d experienced the visceral sense that I wasn’t immortal. That even I, powerful as I was, could die.”

He paused, pulling back enough to meet Dean’s eyes, much calmer now as he moved on from his painful recollection.

“I woke up with bandaged wounds and a meal nearby. I was saved by the local Maori Chief Tane Tinorau. He was a noble man, one of few words, yet he possessed the kindest of hearts. His soul was pure, much like yours.” Castiel pressed a gentle kiss to Dean’s forehead when his last words caused a furrow in Dean’s brows. He knew the human was still struggling to accept himself, to accept that he wasn’t irreparably damaged. Still, the fact that Dean didn’t immediately protest the inadvertent compliment meant that their journey hadn’t been in vain. Slowly, Dean was learning to accept the good parts of himself again.

“He tended to me, tirelessly, for days and nights. He never demanded an answer from me. He had no reason to show me such charity, yet he insisted.” Castiel closed his eyes tight, remembering how the man had calmly but firmly refused Castiel’s attempts to get up and leave. Technically, the angel had healed after the first day, the excellent first aid the man had administered allowed his wounds to close up and his grace to stop leaking everywhere.

Therein laid the problem, with his grace slowly getting back to full strength, it took everything he had to actively force himself not to heal his physical wounds. Eventually he’d figured out a way to convince the Chief to let him dress his own wounds, allowing him the freedom to heal them completely.

He didn’t want the man to be suspicious of his identity, sure that the human would become fearful and leave.

After the violence his supposed close friend had shown him, he wasn’t ready to have this one act of kindness abandon him as well.

Yet when he let his guard down and the Chief accidentally discovered his fully healed wounds, he didn’t run screaming. Instead, he had stared at it for a few unreadable moments, before deeming him healed enough to leave.

It wasn’t a dismissal, rather a pleased observation from someone who truly did care about a random stranger.

Overwhelmed with gratitude, it was at that moment that he let his grace reach out. Wispy tendrils of his blue-white grace soaked into the cave, crawling up the wall like veins before settling in the ceiling. There, he chose the first living being he found as a vessel for his grace. It was a simple glow worm, attached to the ceiling of the cave and barely alive.

With a push of his powers, his grace quickly spread to the other worms in the cave, effectively making all of them glow an eerie turquoise. It was an attractive sight, and he could tell from the Chief’s reverent silence, that he knew Castiel wasn’t just some super human or a monster.

No, he was an angel.

He’d turned to Tinorau then, his words booming in a semblance of his true voice as he blessed the land and the cave with his grace. The Chief’s family and village would be prosperous, and in the days to come, many people would come to appreciate this cave and all it had to offer.

He had changed a place of fear and sickly death, to one borne of hope and love.

The generosity the human had shown him would be remembered forevermore.

Before he left, Tinorau had spoken to him with a heavy weight to his words.

“Whoever did that to you didn’t deserve you. Find someone who appreciates you just as much as you love them, and you will achieve the peace you seek.”

It had been weirdly insightful, and Castiel had nodded once before flying away. The Maori were known for knowing a little too much, their bloodline blessed through the years by many supernatural encounters. Castiel was just the most recent of a series of blessings that many had bestowed upon the enigmatic Maori. They had a tendency to garner the favor of those much more powerful than them.

He had taken the Chief’s advice to heart.

Now, he was here with the person he loved, and he felt at peace.

“Cas?”

Dean’s touch was gentle, the way he cupped his cheek reminiscent of the many times he did the same to the human. It made him feel protected, as if he mattered.

He opened his eyes slowly, staring into those worried green ones that reminded him so much of spring and life.

He pressed the hand to his cheek, inhaling deeply as he grounded himself in the scent of the hunter.

“I blessed this cavern with my grace, to show my gratitude to him. I’ve always…” Castiel hesitated, but forged on when he saw Dean’s encouraging look. “I’ve always wanted to show the person I cared for the most, this place.”

Dean was quiet, an emotion that Castiel was now familiar with swimming in his eyes.

“To me, this place was life and it was death. It was my beginning, and it was almost my end. Here, surrounded by my grace and the memories of my love for humanity, I wanted to show you everything.”

Castiel leaned in close, pressing his forehead to Dean’s before leaning in and kissing him softly.

“You mean so much to me.”

The hand tangled in his hair suddenly tightened and he was pulled into a fierce kiss. It was biting until it wasn’t, the kiss lingering as they panted into each other’s mouths.

“Cas,” Dean’s voice was hoarse, his gaze stubbornly focused downwards. He felt too raw and emotional to meet those beautiful blue eyes that always seemed to see into his soul. “Loving you was never a choice. It was something that felt like too much at times, and even now I want to run away.”

Castiel seemed resigned at that, his voice weary and just a whisper as he spoke.

“I understand.” The angel moved as if he wanted to get up but Dean gripped him tightly by the hips, pulling him back down into his lap.

Dean finally met Castiel’s gaze with determination in his eyes and they seemed to glint with a disorienting green glow for a moment, as if reflecting the lights of Castiel’s grace around them. It was like his soul was trying to burst out of his body, aching at being so close to Castiel’s raw grace.

“Your love is too much for me because I don’t know if I deserve it. But it has taught me to love humanity, to love myself and to love you. I’m a fuck up with six bucks to my name, but I hope that it’s enough for me to stay with you. For as long as you will have me.”

Castiel flicked his tongue out, licking at his chapped lips as his mouth suddenly felt dry with want. He saw the way Dean tracked that movement, eyes dark.

“What if I want forever?”

Dean seemed surprised at that, though his eyes soon crinkled into something soft, fond, and altogether too loving for Castiel to process. The grin that lit up his face made him look younger, less stressed and beautifully untouched by the tragedies he’d faced.

“Then you can have me, forever.”

The angel surged forward then, pressing eager kisses to the human’s lips as Dean answered back with equally ecstatic joy. The glowing lights seemed to flare around them, and Dean didn’t have to open his eyes to know that Castiel was probably glowing with happiness.

He couldn’t help but think back to the beginning of this journey, when he’d felt hopeless and lost. He’d needed an anchor, anything to keep him from drowning.

He’d harbored so much hate then, hate for the world for taking his brother, and hatred at himself for being such a failure.

Yet here in Castiel’s arms and surrounded by the warm glow of his grace, Dean had never felt more content.

He realized now that his journey had been a series of sevens.

Seven days, seven places, and seven ways for Castiel to say:

_I love you. I’m not giving up on you._

_I’m here, until the world ends. I’m here, even when we fail to save everyone. And I’m here, when you need me the most, when all hope seems lost._

Dean had found the best parts of himself, reflected in the pieces of Castiel. He couldn’t help but feel that maybe…just maybe, he was worthy of a love as devoted and timeless as Castiel’s.

  


_fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting facts:  
> \- Is in the Central North Islands  
> \- Located beneath the green countryside of King Country one of New Zealand’s prime farmingg regions  
> \- Located in an area of abundant limestone rock  
> \- The basic structure underneath the limestone was created from the bones and shells of marine fossils 30 million years ago.  
> \- The glowworms are the larvae of a species of gnat they spend most of their life as larvae. The glowworm themselves look like a maggot  
> \- They glow because their tails are bioluminescent  
> \- Used the light to attract other insects and trap them in the sticky threads for a meal  
> -Discovered by Maori Chief Tane Tinorau

**Author's Note:**

> We are at the end of our journey. Thank you for coming to these seven unique locations with me and for taking the time to read the story. :)
> 
> If you liked the story please consider leaving a comment and/or kudos as that always helps me write more. <3 I greatly appreciate any feedback I get. 
> 
> And again, Saawek did some amazing art for this fic so please go check out their post [here](http://saawek.tumblr.com/post/176664112006/here-my-art-masterpost-for-the-wonderful-fic) and shower it with some love! 
> 
> If any of you guys want to join our community of destiel shippers you are welcome to do so with this [link](https://discord.gg/GGbw2NP). We're a friendly bunch and would love to have you join us. :)
> 
> You can find my tumblr [Here](http://lunastories.tumblr.com/). Feel free to drop by and say hi!


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